Pruning

We survived the day! ☺

Today… the past several days, actually… I underwent some much-needed pruning. (Yesterday, both of our yayas left for the province). These were days filled with many discoveries about myself, my family and kids, and my God.

No yayas. No cable TV (I just feel awful that I missed today’s very historic event - Tita Cory’s funeral… why did the cable service have to break down today of all days?). But we made it. I am not going to pretend that I breezed through it. But it is not as bad as I expected, as most things turn out.

I realized I kinda enjoy taking care of the kids’ needs. Cooking, feeding them, bathing them, getting their snacks ready, giving them their medications (isang damukal pa sa ngayon… eto medyo tough one kay bunxo). I always wondered what it must be like living abroad with no nanny. Parang imposible. Pero ngayon, I realize, kaya pala! One just needs some considerable amount of organization, planning, strategy, and maraming-maraming patience. I admit, I have been doing this only for the past 2 days so I cannot speak for the millions of women (or men) who do this on a daily basis. As in. Pero hindi imposible. If one were to do this day in, day out, there really has to be some provision, a set schedule, for some rest and alone-time. Kundi masisiraan ka ng bait.

It really helped that Tita A came at mid-morning. Though I did most of the chores during the day, she was there to attend to some of the kids’ tiny (and often, unreasonable) whims. That allowed me to stay sane and happy. Plus, her presence allowed me and hubby to take an afternoon nap; he came from the office for a meeting that lasted the whole morning and grabbed half an hour of sleep before another meeting (over the net, here at home). I also got a much-needed nap of a couple of hours. It allowed me to have the energy to run after the Little One during supper and for meds, and to wash the kids up… plus a million other things. Si Tita A din nag-mop ng floors bago s’ya maligo at mag-rest. Di siguro makatiis kasi nanlalagkit na sahig.

It still amazes me. While the 2 kids, hubby and Tita A went to Quirino Avenue to take a look at Cory’s funeral procession, I stayed behind with the Little One (who was taking a long nap). I thought I’d use some quiet time to study, read a few pages. But I got up and swept the floors. Grabe ipinawis ko. It felt really good. Sarap pawisan, lalo naramdam kong nagsisimula na ang pagtaba ko at bloatedness dahil sa steroids. When they came back, Ate said, "Mommy, I saw Daddy's friend, Tita Cory. She's dead". Kuya was not in a very good mood. I told him they were going to McDonald's to get fries - the only tactic I could think off to quickly pull him off the Little Einsteins DVD. I didn't want the kids to miss out on this piece of historic event. Hmmm, not a good tactic - lying to the kids (note to self).

After everybody had an afternoon snack of bread and pancit canton, Tita A and I fixed the kids’ beds, changed sheets. She swept the floor and I threw out their disgustingly dirty towels (ay, caramba! Ang mga yaya!) and replaced them with fresh ones. Supper was quite a challenge as usual. Hubby took care of feeding Kuya (who was a bit difficult today), Tita A fed Ate (she’s been very behaved… the best sa pag-inom ng gamot), and I of the Little One. Feeding the Little One involves a lot of cajoling, and chasing under the table… napapagtarayan ko na nga. But this is the first time ever that I felt, somehow… in control of the situation. I mean yung sa mga bata. Pag andito ang mga yaya, pag nagliligalig na sila, kailangan ko na ibigay sa kanila kasi either I am too tired or too lazy to deal with them or I really don’t know how else to handle them. Pero ngayon, I am beginning to take hold of the reins.

Si Little One, I’ve discovered, una-unahan lang pala. Kailangan at the first sight, first few minutes of a tantrum, medyo tataasan na ng boses and you have to remind her who the boss is around here. Once past that ‘critical’ phase, hay naku, there’s no more turning back. Her tantrum snowballs into one, big… basta. Matatabunan ka na lang. Medyo kamay na bakal dapat ang dating.

Kuya needs to be treated differently. Pag pinagalitan s’ya, basta any sign na displeased ka sa kanya, bad trip na s’ya at lalong nagmi-misbehave. Away kami ng away today ‘cause I refused to let him get away with things like deliberately pouring water on the table or playing with his cup during the meal. Iba s’ya. Dapat reverse psychology, inaamo-amo ng konti.

Si Ate, kailangan lang ng positive reinforcement. A lot of it. She behaves really well but needs to be trusted and to be praised. Yun lang pag meron s’yang demand, you have to learn how to negotiate. Buti nga mas nakakausap na s’ya ngayon. She is a very strong person, makusa, go-getter. Nakakatuwa. Kailangan lang tutukan pa.

Oh my, ako ba ito? Just a month ago, I saw on TV si Maricel Laxa-Pangilinan saying how her kids are very different. Kaya iba-iba daw ang approach. Pag nakakarinig ako ng ganun, I tend to be cynical… may konting resistance, as in… hay naku, eto na naman ang mga super moms na ito. Naiinis ako siguro kasi it reminds me of my weaknesses and shortcomings when it comes to motherhood… of how much more there is I need to learn. Ngayon, maski papaano at gaano kaliit, may nasasabi na din ako.☺

Saw the two kids’ schoolbags which have been left lying around for several days. It shocked me to find how terribly dirty those bags were. Naawa ako bigla sa mga bata. At napahiya ako sa sarili ko. Bigla ko naisip na nung bata ako napaka-suwerte ko at asikasong-asikaso ako ni Mommy. Naisip ko rin, ano kaya ang iniisip ng mga teachers nila, nakakahiya. Yung bag ni Kuya ang kalat-kalat ng loob at meron pang naiwan na pagkain. Ilang ulit na bilin ko na sa yaya to make sure walang food left in the bag every day. Wala pa rin. Yung kay Ate, susme, nanlalagkit na ang loob, pati raincoat nya kasi meron naiwan na natunaw na candy at meron pang cupcake na may kagat na ng daga. Grabe talaga. Pinaglalabhan ko nga.

As I scrubbed the bags, I felt a bit angry at the yayas for not taking care of these things. Naiinis ako at sabi ko kay Tita A, kalian kaya ako makakahanap ng mga yaya na efficient na hindi na kailangang pauli-ulit turuan. Pero I realized din naman na hindi ko talaga magagawa ang mga iba pang bagay na kailangang gawin (specifically, pagdo-doktor) na walanag tulong nila. At di ko naman matatawaran ang kanilang pagmamahal at concern sa mga bata. Trustworthy sila, di kagaya nung isang umalis nung May.., hay naku.

Biglang sabi ni Tita A na ang sinasabi daw lagi ni Daddy dati pag meron nagrereklamo tungkol sa maid, “Kaya nga katulong e, tutulong lang sila sa’yo. Magiging katulong ba naman ‘yan kung mas madami pang alam?” It struck me. (Two years after his death, meron pa rin ako natututunan kay Daddy). So as I rinsed the bags, I made a resolve to be more hands-on even with the little things. Kahit na nasabihan na ng ilang ulit ang mga yaya, kailngan nache-check. Nire-remind. Kino-correct. Ang mali ko ay yung I become too lazy to correct them kasi sa isip ko parati, baka umalis pa ay lalo akong mahirapan.

Medyo nakaka-miss lang si hubby kasi parating busy sa kusina ang isa sa amin or plakda/tulog habang may ginagawa ang isa. Di ko man lang nalalambing. Buti na lang mabait ang asawa ko at matulungin dito sa bahay. Salamat sa Diyos.

Hay. Kung puede lang na mag stay-at-home na lang ako. Okay lang sa akin. Pero di naman puede. Kanina, I was surprised to find hubby reading my book “Simplify Your Work Life”. He liked the idea of a 32-hour work week and I can sense him wishing his job were a bit more like that (his current, new role is quite demanding). Sabi ko sa kanya, ilang taon na sa akin ang libro na yan, gusting-gusto ko pero sayang kasi di ko naman ma-apply sa akin (after having spent years as a trainee working incredibly long hours). He said, sa'yo nga yan bagay kasi doktor ka. Kaya mong hawakan ang oras mo. I realized, oo nga. I have a choice! I can manage my time wisely. It doesn’t mean magpapaka-slacker ako sa pagdo-doktor pero at least yung maging reasonable ang clinic hours ko. Actually, I intend not to hold clinic on Saturdays, para sa pamilya naman. Masayang-masaya ako to hear it straight from hubby. I hope God would teach me/show me how to do it. After all, this is life. My family is my life. Sabi nga dun sa isang nabasa ko, “Life is not a dress rehearsal”. We cannot always be preparing for something that is to come. This is life!

Back to my health concerns… malakas pa din ang tinnitus ko. Extra loud sya today. Mabuti na lang at busy kaya tuloy hindi ko na lang napapansin minsan. Mawawala pa kaya ito? I just put my trust in God with regards to my exam and my health. Hinihiling ko pa rin na ipasa N’ya ako at alisin ang ingay sa tenga ko. Pero ayoko na masyadong ma-stress kasi hindi naman makakatulong at lalo lang akong nagiging miserable.

Ayoko lang ngayon etong lagi akong parang meron after taste in my mouth. Siguro epekto ng flu. At dahil din siguro sa dami ng gamot na iniinom ko. Parang mapait parati. Meron na din ako sipon (yellow, how apt). Which makes my ears feel even weirder kasi may tinnitus na sa kaliwa, meron pang aural fullness (dati pa), at nadagdagan pa ng iba pang klaseng fullness dahil sa sipon.

And I really, really miss coffee at maaalat na tsitsirya. Sorry, Lord ha, makulit ako. Unti-unting inaalis ni Lord yung mga gawain kong hindi healthy kasi alam N’ya na makakasama sa akin in the future. Hindi madali… para akong halaman na pinu-prune pakonti-konti. Inaalis ang mga patay na dahon o mga sangang wala sa tamang posisyon. Hindi talaga madali. But I just have to trust my Gardener na He knows what’s best for me. Para gumanda pa ang tubo ko, tuluyang yumabong, at tumibay ang ugat.