Under Attack

Things have been quite crazy around here with hubby and the kids getting sick. Now, I finally get some quiet time as the whole household takes the afternoon nap. Quiet time, yes. Peace? I am not sure. When everything is quiet, it seems like the perfect time for me to finally concentrate and read and prepare for my upcoming exam. But it is during these silent times that this tinnitus in my left ear is at its loudest and highest frequency (pitch). Bearable but distressing. Now there is no one to keep me company but the hum of the fan and the hissing in my ear, I feel scared, threatened and bogged down by worry.

The little one fell ill this morning. Her lips were dry and hubby and I took turns giving her her sponge bath. It calmed her and put her to sleep. Thankfully, her fever subsided and she was able to eat her lunch and play a little afterwards. I can see that hubby was feeling quite distraught; I can sense, though he would never say so, some guilt on his part for having passed on the virus to the kids (he went on a trip to some other parts of Southeast Asia about a week ago. But of course, there is no one to blame here.


Also this morning, the sister of one of our nannies called to say that their mother has become very ill again. The mother was losing her sight and was unable to eat and get up from her bed. I had no hesitation about letting her go home if she wants to. But I was quite anxious about being left here with a sick household and an exam that is hurling itself towards me. This is the little one’s favorite nanny and when she’s sick she tends to be extra clingy, as all kids do. I may have to call up my trusty aunt again to ask for her help. I will have to do the cooking but that’s alright as long as I get an extra pair of hands to take charge of the kids.

Again, I was up and about until dawn because the tinnitus plus the steroids kept sleep at bay. As I was beginning to feel my lids getting heavy at past 3, I turned off the study lamp and placed the remote control on the desk. That’s when I felt that my study desk was dripping wet! It was raining hard but that was the first time my desk has ever gotten wet. Hubby and I were puzzled and couldn’t figure out where the water came from. I felt helpless and frustrated as I picked up my books and notes, especially my treasured hipster PDA. No, not “hi-tech”… it is actually nothing but a bunch of 3 x 5 index cards held together by a carabiner. But it held some of my important notes… it took a considerable amount of time and effort just to make notes that I needed to memorize for the exam. It also contained my time table - a list of must-reads for the remaining 2 weeks. Admittedly, I have become so obsessive-compulsive about these index cards of mine. They helped to keep me sane. And they were soaked. So there I was, scrambling about at the crack of dawn, oh-so carefully peeling off each card, one at a time. I was so distressed because some of my notes were written in pencil. I laid them one by one on a cardboard folder on top of the TV, making sure that they were still arranged in order. I opened my drawer and began to get my blank cards, and began to replace the ones that were too wet to save. I can see that hubby thought it strange to watch me sitting on the bed in the dead of night, working on a fresh batch of index cards using my single-hole puncher (“wow, meron ka pala n‘yan?”). It must have taken him some effort to keep from shaking his head at me and teasing me about my freakishness. And I appreciate that. Thankfully, the cards, aside from being a bit wrinkly, were salvageable. I was spared of the time it would have required for me to rewrite everything. You know I would (wink).

I got a little carried away with that story about the index cards. Anyway, it somehow felt like I was under attack. Even the other nanny said to me, as we were cracking the crabs and gathering the meat for lunch, “Ang sama po ng ating weekend ngayon, Ate.” But I refuse to be dragged down into the pits by these “little” inconveniences. As long as the kids get well soon, and hubby recovers his energy, I would be alright. Getting rid of this tinnitus would be a definite big help.

Lord, please help me. Konti na lang po at makakaraos na ako sa exam na ito. Wag N’yo po akong hayaang ma-challenge ng sobra-sobra kasi baka hindi ko kayanin. Alam ko You have the best plan laid out for me. Come to my rescue!