It is 2:22 in the morning. My eyes are tired but my mind is awake, my fingers madly scrambling to take notes from the reviewer. I want to lay down but when I am reminded of my review ‘plan of action’, my mind goes, “Read, read, read… Type, type, type”.
The song “Luka” is playing on my MP3 player and suddenly I drift back to 21 years ago. I am almost the same position, on my study table (minus the laptop, of course). The window is on my right side and I can see the boys’s dorm. There, right across the canteen. I can still see the brightly-lit, double-row of windows. Can’t believe it’s been that long ago.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Lessons from a Pandesal
Life is what we make it. When life hands you lemons, make lemonade - this is so overused because it is so true!
This morning, as I ate breakfast, the yayas and I complained about how the newly-bought pandesal did not seem fresh. Medyo matigas na, parang ininit na lang. We felt cheated and complained for a good number of minutes - mahal na nga, madami naman bumibili, to think na di naman ganun kaaga binili, etc, etc.
Later today, I had this brilliant idea of slicing the pandesal open and placing two generous slices of cheese on half of it. I put it in our old but trusty toaster (I left the pandesal open with the cheeses on top). After 2 minutes, I heard the “ding!” and out came this great-smelling, nearly-burnt, slightly crunchy pandesal. Panalo!
I turned a loser into a winner!
As I ate it with gusto, it dawned on me that we, human beings, can do the same thing with bigger, more important things in our lives. Instead of whining and wasting time on what-could-have-beens (which are always, inevitably, much better than reality), we could choose to take control of the situation and make the best out of it.
Of course, others might say that the best lesson learned here, if any, is to never buy pandesal from the same bakery again. (Smart ass!). But what if options are limited, as the case is here in our neighborhood where only one bakery rules?
Not to self: When the going gets tough, remember lessons learned from the pandesal!
This morning, as I ate breakfast, the yayas and I complained about how the newly-bought pandesal did not seem fresh. Medyo matigas na, parang ininit na lang. We felt cheated and complained for a good number of minutes - mahal na nga, madami naman bumibili, to think na di naman ganun kaaga binili, etc, etc.
Later today, I had this brilliant idea of slicing the pandesal open and placing two generous slices of cheese on half of it. I put it in our old but trusty toaster (I left the pandesal open with the cheeses on top). After 2 minutes, I heard the “ding!” and out came this great-smelling, nearly-burnt, slightly crunchy pandesal. Panalo!
I turned a loser into a winner!
As I ate it with gusto, it dawned on me that we, human beings, can do the same thing with bigger, more important things in our lives. Instead of whining and wasting time on what-could-have-beens (which are always, inevitably, much better than reality), we could choose to take control of the situation and make the best out of it.
Of course, others might say that the best lesson learned here, if any, is to never buy pandesal from the same bakery again. (Smart ass!). But what if options are limited, as the case is here in our neighborhood where only one bakery rules?
Not to self: When the going gets tough, remember lessons learned from the pandesal!
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Anger Issues
At the risk of sounding evil or freaky, I have to say this: there are moments when I feel like I am about to explode. These are moments when I feel like a mad man (woman). I have anger issues and it scares me when during these moments, I get a glimpse into the minds of parents who hurt their kids or lock them up in a cold, dark dingy room.
During these dark, evil moments, I try my best to hold my tongue, stay more than a foot from the child (or better yet, call on hubby or the yaya to relieve me) and call on to Jesus and Mary… Lord, help me!
During these dark, evil moments, I try my best to hold my tongue, stay more than a foot from the child (or better yet, call on hubby or the yaya to relieve me) and call on to Jesus and Mary… Lord, help me!
Friday, May 22, 2009
On American Idol, favorite vegetable, and St. Paul
I am so behind everybody. This morning, the finale of American Idol was on TV live. Didn’t bother to wake up and tune in that early… not that into it.
Now I watch the episode before the finale (a replay, onviously) and I am dying to know who wins. I am totally for Kris… just cannot take Adam’s screaming… it drives me crazy. His screaming + the jackhammer drilling on at our next door neighbor’s = this headache and muscle tension I feel around my nape! Glad I have one more Myonal tablet in my purse.
OVERHEARD:
I was making some chit-chat with the two girls, trying to make up for my being distracted and wrapped up in my review. I asked Kat what her favorite vegetable was. Answer: “Hmmm, sibuyas!”. LOL.
Yesterday, was the first time after quite a while that I actually knelt down, kept quiet and prayed to God. The peace that comes from bonding with Him is priceless and I am truly grateful that He is always, always available to me even if I do not often make myself available to Him.
I have been reading Scripture… short bits and pieces… everyday for the past month or so. God’s Word never ceases to amaze me. I am so sick of hearing the word ‘amazing’ as it has been overused and über-abused, but right now I cannot find any other word that would most aptly describe how I feel about it. His Word rings true and I feel honored and privileged to be able to read it and ponder it. I especially love King David’s Psalms and the books written by St. Paul. When he (St. Paul) speaks, I feel like he knows how I feel and he knows where I’m coming from. I feel his empathy. God has been blessing me with this insatiable appetite for His Word and I am really thankful.
Now I watch the episode before the finale (a replay, onviously) and I am dying to know who wins. I am totally for Kris… just cannot take Adam’s screaming… it drives me crazy. His screaming + the jackhammer drilling on at our next door neighbor’s = this headache and muscle tension I feel around my nape! Glad I have one more Myonal tablet in my purse.
OVERHEARD:
I was making some chit-chat with the two girls, trying to make up for my being distracted and wrapped up in my review. I asked Kat what her favorite vegetable was. Answer: “Hmmm, sibuyas!”. LOL.
Yesterday, was the first time after quite a while that I actually knelt down, kept quiet and prayed to God. The peace that comes from bonding with Him is priceless and I am truly grateful that He is always, always available to me even if I do not often make myself available to Him.
I have been reading Scripture… short bits and pieces… everyday for the past month or so. God’s Word never ceases to amaze me. I am so sick of hearing the word ‘amazing’ as it has been overused and über-abused, but right now I cannot find any other word that would most aptly describe how I feel about it. His Word rings true and I feel honored and privileged to be able to read it and ponder it. I especially love King David’s Psalms and the books written by St. Paul. When he (St. Paul) speaks, I feel like he knows how I feel and he knows where I’m coming from. I feel his empathy. God has been blessing me with this insatiable appetite for His Word and I am really thankful.
To me from Bono
You are such a fool to worry like you do… You got to get yourself together, you got stuck in a moment and you can’t get out of it. Don’t say that later will be better. You got stuck in a moment and you can’t get out of it.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
'Dexter'
Trying my best to read through my book. Fast. To keep myself awake during these terrible after-lunch hours, I try do it with the television as my companion. (snicker… I know, I know). The ‘Dexter’ marathon is on. And I have been watching for the past three hours. Uh-oh, not good.
How can a serial killer be so appealing? It probably helps that he is a serial killer of serial killers. Plus, he is actually good-looking if you stare at him long enough. It must be the mystery, not to mention the physique.
It’s good that the second to the last episode is on and I can go back to studying. I fear watching too much of this gloomy, scary-in-a-subtle-kind-of-way show for too long is going to drive me nuts.
How can a serial killer be so appealing? It probably helps that he is a serial killer of serial killers. Plus, he is actually good-looking if you stare at him long enough. It must be the mystery, not to mention the physique.
It’s good that the second to the last episode is on and I can go back to studying. I fear watching too much of this gloomy, scary-in-a-subtle-kind-of-way show for too long is going to drive me nuts.
May 18? Already?
Unbelievable!
How fast time flies. One day I was rejoicing because I was given one more month to prepare. Then I relaxed and watched more TV and went out on dinners and night-outs with the balikbayan uncle and before I knew it… bam! Two weeks have gone and I am left with only two more weeks advantage before, as hubby would say it, “quits na”. Aaargh. This is it. Seryosohan na talaga.
How fast time flies. One day I was rejoicing because I was given one more month to prepare. Then I relaxed and watched more TV and went out on dinners and night-outs with the balikbayan uncle and before I knew it… bam! Two weeks have gone and I am left with only two more weeks advantage before, as hubby would say it, “quits na”. Aaargh. This is it. Seryosohan na talaga.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Music and Daddy
Last night, my balikbayan uncle treated us to dinner at Mesa (at Greenbelt). Us included me, hubby, sis and bro-in-law, and three aunts.
After dinner, we proceeded to Merk’s for some drinks and entertainment. The band ‘Acoustic Jive’ was there with Lani Misalucha’s sister (allegedly) as female vocalist. A guy who looked like the actor who played trainor of Russell Crowe in Cinderella Man was lead male vocal and acoustic guitarist. He had a great voice, and he charmed us with his jokes and smiles.
The rest of the band consisted of middle-aged men (middle-aged?) who seemed like they were unattached to the audience but played really well. They looked like aging fathers who left their wives and grown-up kids at home simply because they loved playing music. The one on the flute was very good but a little weird and expressed no emotion at all. The lead guitarist was great (!) and looked geeky (which in my opinion, impressed me even more; I love geeks!).
They played songs that sis and I were familiar with. We didn’t know we knew many of the songs but we have heard them several times in our childhood because of Daddy. We liked them. They reminded me so much of Daddy. Though I enjoyed the music, I really, really, really missed him dearly. When they sang ‘What a Wonderful World’ by Louie Armstrong upon our request, I wept quietly. Of course, it did not help that I’ve had two bottles of light beer then (my first in more than 8 years).
The band was generous enough to play all of our requests: ‘Beyond the Sea’ by George Benson which was a song I loved and knew only from ‘Finding Nemo’ (it played as the credits rolled in the end). We also requested ‘Our Love’ by Michael MacDonald. And ‘Someone to Watch Over Me’ which the girl sang. I would have loved it if the guy had sung it (Sting version). By the way, the requests were Tita A's idea; great taste in music!
They also played a song that I heard for the first time but immediately fell in love with: ‘The Man Who Can’t Be Moved’. I need to find it! Plus, they did a couple of The Police songs like ‘Roxanne’ and ‘De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da’. Loved it.
Yesterday also marked what could have been Daddy and Mommy’s 36th wedding anniversary.
How I wish Dad were still with us to enjoy it. And Mommy as well, ‘cause when Daddy is happy, Mommy is happy. And when they are happy, sister and I are happy.
After dinner, we proceeded to Merk’s for some drinks and entertainment. The band ‘Acoustic Jive’ was there with Lani Misalucha’s sister (allegedly) as female vocalist. A guy who looked like the actor who played trainor of Russell Crowe in Cinderella Man was lead male vocal and acoustic guitarist. He had a great voice, and he charmed us with his jokes and smiles.
The rest of the band consisted of middle-aged men (middle-aged?) who seemed like they were unattached to the audience but played really well. They looked like aging fathers who left their wives and grown-up kids at home simply because they loved playing music. The one on the flute was very good but a little weird and expressed no emotion at all. The lead guitarist was great (!) and looked geeky (which in my opinion, impressed me even more; I love geeks!).
They played songs that sis and I were familiar with. We didn’t know we knew many of the songs but we have heard them several times in our childhood because of Daddy. We liked them. They reminded me so much of Daddy. Though I enjoyed the music, I really, really, really missed him dearly. When they sang ‘What a Wonderful World’ by Louie Armstrong upon our request, I wept quietly. Of course, it did not help that I’ve had two bottles of light beer then (my first in more than 8 years).
The band was generous enough to play all of our requests: ‘Beyond the Sea’ by George Benson which was a song I loved and knew only from ‘Finding Nemo’ (it played as the credits rolled in the end). We also requested ‘Our Love’ by Michael MacDonald. And ‘Someone to Watch Over Me’ which the girl sang. I would have loved it if the guy had sung it (Sting version). By the way, the requests were Tita A's idea; great taste in music!
They also played a song that I heard for the first time but immediately fell in love with: ‘The Man Who Can’t Be Moved’. I need to find it! Plus, they did a couple of The Police songs like ‘Roxanne’ and ‘De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da’. Loved it.
Yesterday also marked what could have been Daddy and Mommy’s 36th wedding anniversary.
How I wish Dad were still with us to enjoy it. And Mommy as well, ‘cause when Daddy is happy, Mommy is happy. And when they are happy, sister and I are happy.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Of hopes and expectations
Living up to other people’s expectations can be pretty tiring. Especially, if one has been doing it for quite some time. I think of Prince Charles, and Britney Spears, and Angelina Jolie and think to myself… living their lives may not be that fun after all.
I am no royalty or pop star, nor am I a Hollywood goddess. But sometimes I feel this pressure on my shoulders to live up to a set standard and to do what they expect me to do. Worse, I feel that people expect me to reach that certain standard in some pre-conceived fashion. It’s like they not only know the ‘where’ of where I should be going, they also know the ‘how’. The expectation feels like a destination; there’s no doubt I want to end up in the same place someday but it feels like people want me to take a certain road to get there. Sadly, I am more inclined to choose a different path – one that is undoubtedly less popular, and much less impressive.
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been told that because I have been given this much, much is expected of me. I cannot tell you how many times it’s been said – you’re a valedictorian, you come from Pisay, matalino ka… we know you always go for the best and do not settle for less. Other well-meaning relatives say that I should be going abroad for training as if the option of staying here in our country is reserved for the average and the ‘latak’. There is no doubt in my mind that the loved ones who bombard me with these have nothing but the best intentions. They believe in me and, inevitably, have high hopes and dreams for me.
Sadly, I do not share all their ideas. Of course, I want only the best for my family, for my children. But I have other goals and ideas in mind. This doesn’t mean that I would settle for a mediocre practice and live a lazy life. Far from it! I guess my dreams simply sound less appealing and less grand.
Lord, please help me. Show me the way. Help me to be the best I can be while remaining true to myself. I can only live my life once. Only YOU know what is truly best for me and my family. Amen.
I am no royalty or pop star, nor am I a Hollywood goddess. But sometimes I feel this pressure on my shoulders to live up to a set standard and to do what they expect me to do. Worse, I feel that people expect me to reach that certain standard in some pre-conceived fashion. It’s like they not only know the ‘where’ of where I should be going, they also know the ‘how’. The expectation feels like a destination; there’s no doubt I want to end up in the same place someday but it feels like people want me to take a certain road to get there. Sadly, I am more inclined to choose a different path – one that is undoubtedly less popular, and much less impressive.
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been told that because I have been given this much, much is expected of me. I cannot tell you how many times it’s been said – you’re a valedictorian, you come from Pisay, matalino ka… we know you always go for the best and do not settle for less. Other well-meaning relatives say that I should be going abroad for training as if the option of staying here in our country is reserved for the average and the ‘latak’. There is no doubt in my mind that the loved ones who bombard me with these have nothing but the best intentions. They believe in me and, inevitably, have high hopes and dreams for me.
Sadly, I do not share all their ideas. Of course, I want only the best for my family, for my children. But I have other goals and ideas in mind. This doesn’t mean that I would settle for a mediocre practice and live a lazy life. Far from it! I guess my dreams simply sound less appealing and less grand.
Lord, please help me. Show me the way. Help me to be the best I can be while remaining true to myself. I can only live my life once. Only YOU know what is truly best for me and my family. Amen.
Happy Mothers' Day to all mothers!
No nice dinner, no card, no flowers for me. Hubby did buy me a pair of sandals last Thursday (actually, he paid for the sandals that I bought).
I did have a very fruitful Mother’s Day as I got to spend the whole weekend with the kids with no yaya. Bathed them, fed them, clothed them, put them to sleep. I admit I whined some, and snickered at hubby some. It can be so frustrating and tiring when the kids scream and bicker and refuse to eat. But in the end, it was well worth it as nothing feels better than caring for the kids first hand.
I did have a very fruitful Mother’s Day as I got to spend the whole weekend with the kids with no yaya. Bathed them, fed them, clothed them, put them to sleep. I admit I whined some, and snickered at hubby some. It can be so frustrating and tiring when the kids scream and bicker and refuse to eat. But in the end, it was well worth it as nothing feels better than caring for the kids first hand.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
One high school batchmate was speaker today at our convention.
My case reports did not make it to the poster presentation (“did not qualify”).
Before these two things happened, I was happy and felt good myself and about the things I have and have accomplished for the past two decades.
Now, all of a sudden, a shadow of doubt looms over my head.
Lord, I know that Your blessings for me and my family abound! I am definitely getting more than I deserve and I am grateful. I hope for a good life for me and my family but frankly, my dreams are simple and revolve around having a good, fulfilling private practice that would allow us to live comfortably and yet afford us enough time to get together, relax, and simply live our lives with each other.
My dreams do not include grand plans of achieving fame or success as head of… or chairman of…, not even professor of so-and-so. I keep thinking that life is short and I definitely do not want to get trapped in a daily schedule so hectic that I do not have time to enjoy what truly matters. I have seen far too many examples of this – consultants earning so much and yet not having the time for a decent lunch break, or successful doctors who get referrals from all over the country because they’re one of the best and yet don’t get enough rest and sleep and barely have time for a quiet dinner with the family.
Am I dreaming the right dreams for myself? Or am I short-changing myself?
LORD, please help me to dream the right dreams. Lead the way and help me to achieve them. Amen.
My case reports did not make it to the poster presentation (“did not qualify”).
Before these two things happened, I was happy and felt good myself and about the things I have and have accomplished for the past two decades.
Now, all of a sudden, a shadow of doubt looms over my head.
Lord, I know that Your blessings for me and my family abound! I am definitely getting more than I deserve and I am grateful. I hope for a good life for me and my family but frankly, my dreams are simple and revolve around having a good, fulfilling private practice that would allow us to live comfortably and yet afford us enough time to get together, relax, and simply live our lives with each other.
My dreams do not include grand plans of achieving fame or success as head of… or chairman of…, not even professor of so-and-so. I keep thinking that life is short and I definitely do not want to get trapped in a daily schedule so hectic that I do not have time to enjoy what truly matters. I have seen far too many examples of this – consultants earning so much and yet not having the time for a decent lunch break, or successful doctors who get referrals from all over the country because they’re one of the best and yet don’t get enough rest and sleep and barely have time for a quiet dinner with the family.
Am I dreaming the right dreams for myself? Or am I short-changing myself?
LORD, please help me to dream the right dreams. Lead the way and help me to achieve them. Amen.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
My Own Non-Moleskine Notebook PDA, Finally!
It’s been 24 hours and I am still absolutely thrilled with my new notebook! Not the notebook notebook that I am typing on right now. Notebook as in paper, pages, pen… that kind of notebook. I managed to buy one last night from Fully Booked at Bonifacio High Street. Small, burgundy, roughly 4 x 6 inches. I know it’s not a Moleskine. It’s not real leather. But hey, it looked sturdy enough and it cost me only 220 pesos =) That’s a real steal… enough to make me very, very happy. Besides, no matter what other people say, I can never get myself to buy a Moleskine. Even if I had the money in my wallet, I just couldn’t/wouldn’t. There are more than enough good-enough, pretty enough substitutes out there. Kuripot talaga, hehe.
Using post-its, I split it into four sections: calendar (one week per page), next actions, projects, and notes. I haven’t had the chance to cross out any of my next actions/to-do’s yet BUT I am really pleased with the way it looked and I have a good feeling about it. I think the notebook PDA is going to do its job for me. Now, the rest is up to me.
Using post-its, I split it into four sections: calendar (one week per page), next actions, projects, and notes. I haven’t had the chance to cross out any of my next actions/to-do’s yet BUT I am really pleased with the way it looked and I have a good feeling about it. I think the notebook PDA is going to do its job for me. Now, the rest is up to me.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Kids say the darnest things!
Happy birthday to Mommy dear!
Last night, hubby and Kuya went to the wake of a friend’s dad.
When they got there, Kuya said, “Daddy, where are the hand-clips?” He was looking for the stand for the mass cards. Now that tells us we’ve been to far too many wakes since late last year.
And as they were saying their goodbyes to the bereaved, Kuya said to the friend, “Bye! Thank you. Have fun!”
Hahaha.
Last night, hubby and Kuya went to the wake of a friend’s dad.
When they got there, Kuya said, “Daddy, where are the hand-clips?” He was looking for the stand for the mass cards. Now that tells us we’ve been to far too many wakes since late last year.
And as they were saying their goodbyes to the bereaved, Kuya said to the friend, “Bye! Thank you. Have fun!”
Hahaha.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Lord, show me the way
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not
on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make
your paths straight. - Proverbs 3:5-6
… Let God change your life. First of all, let Him give you a new mind. Then you will know what God wants you to do. And the things you do will be good and pleasing and perfect.- Romans 12:2
This is why I have never stopped praying for you since I heard about you. I ask God that you may know what He wants you to do. I ask God to fill you with the wisdom and understanding the Holy Spirit gives. Then your lives will please the Lord. You will do every kind of good work, and you will know more about God. - Colossians 1:9-10
Lord, I call out to You and ask You to please show me the way. Never hide your face from Me. Help me to follow You and heed Your voice for always. Amen.
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