Dahil sa perwisyong dulot ni Bagyong Ondoy, walang pasok ang mga bata ng isang linggo. Kaya kahapon, pinadalhan ko ng text ang aking asawa. Sabi ko, ano kaya kung dalhin namin sa playground sa Mall of Asia ang mga bata? Ilang araw na kasi silang nakakulong dito sa bahay. Maganda rin siguro na makalabas sila, makatakbo ng konti, makapag-release ng pent-up energy. I thought it was a great idea. Pumayag din ang aking asawa.
Papalapit pa lang sa MOA, na-realize ko na na parang hindi pala ganun kaganda yung idea ko. Kokonti ang lamang sasakyan ng open parking. Pagdating sa multi-level parking, medyo mas marami-rami. Natawa ako ng konti at naisip ko, ah, takot na ang mga tao mag-park sa baba. Nanumbalik sa isip ko ang mga kakatakot na imahe ng paglutang ng mga sasakyan sa parking space ng UERM. Nakaligtas kaya yung babaeng umakyat sa bubungan ng SUV n’ya habang dinadala ng alon?
Pagpasok sa mall, agad kong na-realize na parang hindi talaga magandang idea ang pagpunta doon. Parang hindi tama ang mamasyal. Kani-kanina lamang ay halos maiyak ako sa mga kwento na nakita ko sa balita – mga magulang na nawalan ng maliliit na mga anak, bayaning nalunod sa pagod matapos magligtas ng mahigit 30 katao, mga pamilyang pilit hinuhugasan ang putik sa kanilang mga kagamitan. Hindi tama na andito kami sa mall.
Naglakad-lakad lang kami. Kapansin-pansin ang tamlay ng mga establishments. Hindi namin maatim na tumingin ng mga damit o sapatos. Ang aking asawa, panandaliang sumilip sa tindahan ng mga bagahe, pero madali ring lumabas.
Binilhan namin ng tig-isang Swirly Bitz ang mga bata sa Jollibee. Kaming mag-asawa ay nagsalo sa isang maliit na baso ng Coke at isang piraso ng Krispy Kreme donut. Lahat ng tira ng mga bata ay aming sinimot. Nang magturo ng laruan ang mga bata, hindi namin pinagbigyan at sa halip ay ipinaliwanag ang kalunos-lunos na kalagayan ng ibang mga tao. Hindi ko alam kung naintindihan nila.
Maya-maya lang, matapos nilang maghabulan sa may mga makukulay na upuan, nagpasya na kaming umuwi. Okay na rin siguro na nagkaroon ng kaunting semblance of normalcy ang mga bata. Ilang araw nang maghapon nilang napapanood ang mga imahe ng baha sa balita. Pero nagpasya kaming mag-asawa na magpadala ng kaagarang tulong sa isang tiyuhin namin na nasalanta ng baha.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Ayayay!
After I had passed my subspecialty diplomate exam, I was very eager to start my practice. I felt like I was ready to take on the world. I described the day after I learned I passed as the “first day of the rest of my life” (Aug. 17 post). After 13 years (that’s post-college) of non-stop study and training, it felt like I have finally reached the finish line.
Then reality set in.
First, hubby and I scouted for prospect clinics south of Manila. We then learned that one needs a considerable sum of money to be able to start holding clinic at most hospitals. If you think your credentials are enough… you’re mistaken. Show them the money! Borrow from your spouse or your folks! Only then can you start earning your own.
But that was reasonable. Natural lang that they ask money from me first. Parang negosyo, di ba? Kailangan mamuhunan. Labas ka muna ng pera para magkapwesto sa palengke, bago ka pa makapagsimulang bumenta, tapos saka kikita. Fine.
And then I got entangled in one big mess of requirements.
The most difficult part, at least for me, is the fulfillment of the different things required by the government. PTR. TIN card. Not just TIN, the number ha. TIN card. And to get this, one must go back to the branch where one first got the number. Only then can I get my recently renewed S2 license card (for prescribing regulated drugs). And only then can I start applying for Philhealth accreditation as a specialist. It also requires numerous certificates of good standing from different societies. Because I live in the metropolis and cannot, as of yet, drive our car (that’s an entirely different story), I would have to take the FX, MRT, LRT, Taxi to get all of these. Pera pa din. Not to mention, oras, effort, at pawis.
I am also quite overwhelmed by the sheer volume of numbers that I would have to store (memorize?!) and back-up. I am no longer defined by my name alone. Gone were the days when I could just present my complete name and occasionally, my mother’s maiden name. Let’s see… how many numbers do I have? There’s my PRC, S2 license, PMA, PTR (which, by the way, will have to change every year), Philhealth, NBI, GSIS, LTO, TIN, GSIS, Passport, Community Tax Certificate. Whew! Not to mention all the different usernames and passwords for my different internet accounts/social networks and gadgets. Tapos meron na tayong isang tambak na phone numbers. Dalawang mobile, 1 landline, at 1 prepaid wireless broadband. Grabe na ito.
There’s no use complaining. All my colleagues who have gone ahead and are doing their practice have gone through the same. I just have to laugh at myself when I go back to ages ago, when I was a young girl and began to dream of becoming a doctor. Those days, I thought it only entailed studying and then I would have my very own black medicine bag and start making home visits. Parang lumang sine. Simpleng simple.
Then reality set in.
First, hubby and I scouted for prospect clinics south of Manila. We then learned that one needs a considerable sum of money to be able to start holding clinic at most hospitals. If you think your credentials are enough… you’re mistaken. Show them the money! Borrow from your spouse or your folks! Only then can you start earning your own.
But that was reasonable. Natural lang that they ask money from me first. Parang negosyo, di ba? Kailangan mamuhunan. Labas ka muna ng pera para magkapwesto sa palengke, bago ka pa makapagsimulang bumenta, tapos saka kikita. Fine.
And then I got entangled in one big mess of requirements.
The most difficult part, at least for me, is the fulfillment of the different things required by the government. PTR. TIN card. Not just TIN, the number ha. TIN card. And to get this, one must go back to the branch where one first got the number. Only then can I get my recently renewed S2 license card (for prescribing regulated drugs). And only then can I start applying for Philhealth accreditation as a specialist. It also requires numerous certificates of good standing from different societies. Because I live in the metropolis and cannot, as of yet, drive our car (that’s an entirely different story), I would have to take the FX, MRT, LRT, Taxi to get all of these. Pera pa din. Not to mention, oras, effort, at pawis.
I am also quite overwhelmed by the sheer volume of numbers that I would have to store (memorize?!) and back-up. I am no longer defined by my name alone. Gone were the days when I could just present my complete name and occasionally, my mother’s maiden name. Let’s see… how many numbers do I have? There’s my PRC, S2 license, PMA, PTR (which, by the way, will have to change every year), Philhealth, NBI, GSIS, LTO, TIN, GSIS, Passport, Community Tax Certificate. Whew! Not to mention all the different usernames and passwords for my different internet accounts/social networks and gadgets. Tapos meron na tayong isang tambak na phone numbers. Dalawang mobile, 1 landline, at 1 prepaid wireless broadband. Grabe na ito.
There’s no use complaining. All my colleagues who have gone ahead and are doing their practice have gone through the same. I just have to laugh at myself when I go back to ages ago, when I was a young girl and began to dream of becoming a doctor. Those days, I thought it only entailed studying and then I would have my very own black medicine bag and start making home visits. Parang lumang sine. Simpleng simple.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Makaraan Ang Isang Dosenang Gwardya
Ahh… sa wakas. Kahapon ko pa gustong ikwento sa’yo ang nangyari sa maghapon ko. Ewan ko ba. Umuwi akong pagod na pagod ang mga paa at binti dahil sa kalalakad pero masaya akong nakarating sa bahay. I felt fulfilled.
Sinimulan ko ang araw ko sa pagliligpit ng aking higaan. Pagbaba, kinausap ko ang aking panganay at pangalawang anak. Kahit pupungas-pungas pa ako, sinisigurado ko na makausap ko at makasama sila kahit 15 to 20 minutes man lang bago sila sunduin ng kanilang school service. Kumain ako ng almusal pagkatapos ay nilambing sandali ang aking bunso.
Eto siguro ang una at pinakamahalagang bagay na nagpa-“iba” sa maghapon ko kahapon: I got my battered throw pillow (yung ginagamit ko sa upuan ko para di sumakit pwet ko, habang di pa ako nakakabili ng sarili kong ergonomic office chair) and threw it on the floor. Pagkatapos nun, lumuhod ako sa unan at nagdasal ng taimtim. Bukod sa mga pagpupuri, paghingi ng tawad, pasasalamat sa mga biyaya at paghingi ng proteksyon para sa aking sarili at sa aking mga mahal sa buhay, itinaas ko kay Lord ang lahat ng mga lakad at gawain sa maghapon.
Naligo, mabilis na nagbihis at nag-blow dry ng buhok, tapos, off I went!
Una, nagpunta ako sa Taft Avenue at sumakay ng jeep papunta sa isang bangko. Sa totoo lang, nakakahiya man aminin, takot ako sa bangko. Hindi ko kasi masyadong naiintindihan ang mga transaksyon. Pakiramdam ko mangmang ako. Mas nakakahiya ito dahil si Daddy, sumalangit nawa, ay isang bangkero. At ang aking nag-iisang kapatid ay nagtatrabaho din sa bangko. Pero ewan ko ba. Simpleng debit at credit, napapagbaliktad ko pa!
Anyway, pinakiusapan ako ng aking butihing asawa na magdeposito ng cheke para sa kanya. Out of the country s’ya ngayon sa isang business trip kaya… no choice. Bakit kaya nakakapagbasa ako ng mga mahahabang libro pang-Medisina pero nai-intimidate ako ng isang deposit slip? Weirdo talaga.
Pagdating dun, uh-oh. Sabi ng teller sa akin, merong alteration sa pangalan ng asawa ko dun sa checke. Itatanong daw muna sa manager kung okay. Hay. Pinaupo muna ako. Napatingin ako sa kalangitan at sabi ko, “Daddy, pa’no ba ‘to?”. Biniro ko na lang ang teller na napakatalas ng mata n’ya kasi hindi namin napansin yun.
Habang inaantay na matapos ang manager sa kinakausap na kliyente, ipinakita ko sa kanya ang isa pang tseke. Premyo ko yun sa isang research presentation kung saan nanalo ako ng first prize nung nakaraang linggo. Sabi ko, “Puede ko ba ito i-encash?”. Tapos, hingang malalim, “Hindi ako marunong e”, sabay ngiti. Buti na lang napakabait at pala-ngiti yung teller, not like most tellers na nakadaupang-palad ko. I think it also helped a lot that their branch was not busy. Matumal, kumpara sa ibang mga napuntahan ko.
Kinuha n’ya ang tseke, tinatakan sa likod, tiningnan ang aking ID, pina-fill out sa akin ang likod ng tseke, tinignan n’ya ulit, ibinalik kasi – oops, may nakalimutan pa akong pirmahan – tapos, presto! Nagbibilang na s’ya ng pera para sa akin. Yipee! Premyo! Dinero! Mwaah.
Sa wakas natapos na ang manager. Pagkatapos ng maigsi nilang pag-uusap, bumalik na nakangiti muli ang teller at sinabing okay daw kaya lang…
Teller: Local time po, okay lang?
Ako: (Duh). Ah, ano ibig sabihin noon?
Teller: Ibig sabihin po 3 days pa, sa Friday pa ang clearing. Kailangang-kailangan na po ba ang pondo?
Ako: Ah, hindi naman. (Then, I took a deep breath and took the risk of making a fool of myself). Bakit? Supposedly ba real-time?
(Was ‘real-time’ an acceptable banking term? Di kaya isipin nitong babae e saan kayang planeta akong nanggaling? Nagulat ako kasi ngumiti pa rin s’ya sa akin, as if napaka-normal ng mga tanong ko).
Teller: Opo. Normally kasi withdrawable na agad ito.
Ako: Oh. Okay lang. Thank you.
I walked out of the bank feeling so pleased with myself. Marunong na akong: (1) mag-encash ng tseke, at (2) mag-deposito ng tseke. Yahoo. At ang pinaka-mahalagang lesson na natutunan ko sa umagang iyon, ang lesson na naging gabay ko sa buong maghapon ay: Walang masamang magtanong kung talagang hindi mo alam. It does not make me a lesser person when I admit my ignorance and dare to ask.
Paglabas, naghanap ako ng xerox. Tawid, tanong… sira daw. Hmm. Next step, sumakay ng LRT. Pero nasa gitna ako ng dalawang istasyon. Isip, isip. Jeep? Lakad? Naisip ko, hay mas madaling maglakad. Ngayon alam mo na kung bakit nanakit ang aking binti. Umpisa pa lang ito.
So, sakay ng LRT, medyo nag-relax muna ako habang nakatayo at nakakapit sa hawakan, at pilit na nilalayo ang aking katawan sa isang babaeng nakadikit sa akin at pawisang pawisan. Thank God for Stored Value Tickets! Tapos, umakyat ako ng hagdan para makalipat sa MRT station. Sa wakas, nakaupo na ako sa MRT. Ganda ng pwesto ko. Malamig at maluwag.
God bless the person, kung sino man s’ya, who decided to designate the first few cars of the MRT as exclusive for females, seniors, preggies, and those with little kids. Parang LRT na din. Dati hindi e. Mas relaxed and feeling ko pag puro kami babae. Mapapansin mo, lahat relaxed. Pag-upo, sabay mga nagpapaypay and/or nagsusuklay, naglalabas ng salamin, nag-aayos ng sarili. Sabay yakap sa bag at tulog.
Ako naman, ayoko matulog. Kahit pa halimbawa sa dulong station ako bababa, ayoko pa rin. So, I took out my rosary and prayed while enjoying the view. Ganda ng panahon. Maaraw. Hassle mag-commute kapag umuulan.
Pagdating sa may bandang Cubao, nakita ko ang Nepa Q-Mart at naglaro ang isipan ko. Medyo na-senti ako. Naalala ko ang aking kabataan. Twice a year, tuwing magpapasukan at magpapasko, lumuluwas kaming mag-anak para mag-shopping sa Cubao. Yun yung mga panahon na naka-Gregg shoes pa ako sa school (‘yan ang sinisisi ko sa pagiging malaki ng binti ko. Matibay pero… man, ang bigat!). At ang tanging alam naming bilihan ay C.O.D. At kaligayahan ko ang pagsakay ng tren sa Fiesta Carnival. At ang paboritong-paboritong kainan ni Daddy ay Hong Ning. Yum, sarap. Kahit pa diring-diri si Mommy sa mga madudulas at plastic nilang mangkok. Eew.
I made a mental note to myself: must convince hubby (or sis) to accompany me to Gateway in Cubao. Gusto kong masaksihan ang mga naging pagbabago doon.
Oops, eto na. GMA-Kamuning station na. Bumaba na ako. Nasabi ko na ba sa’yo na sa maghapon ko kahapon ay isang tambak na security guard ang napagtanungan ko? Bukod pa dun ang mga iba pang taong nagbigay din sa akin ng direksyon.
Nagtanong ako sa guard (#1) kung saan banda ang PDEA. Itinuro, malapit lang daw. Puede din daw akong mag-tricycle sa baba ng station. Ting! Tama. Must conserve my energy. Nahanap ko ang tricycle. Pagkakamali ko, di ko naitanong sa guard kung magkano usually ang pamasahe. Sinigil ako ng 25 pesos!
So nakarating ako ng PDEA. Inspection ng bag, surrender ID, log in, tapos tanong (guard #2) kung saan nagre-renew ng S2. Akyat ako second floor. Labas ng requirements, fill out ng form, tingin-tingin sa mga katabi… antay sa babae (pansamantala s’yang nawala), akyat sa 3rd floor sa cashier, balik sa babae… tapos na! Mga 20 minutes lang siguro, tops. Nag-antay pa ako sa cashier kasi misteryoso ding nawala sandali. Ang galing! I was beginniing to feel good about our government agencies. Walang red tape! Puede ko na raw balikan para kunin ang ID ko sa Monday. (Later on, I got confused kasi ang nakalagay sa claim stub ko e October 8 pa, hmm). Kaya lang, kailangan ko talagang magdala ng TIN card para ma-claim yung ID ko. Ayayay.
Pagdating sa gate palabas, nagtanong ako (guard #3) kung saan ang East Avenue. Itinuro sa akin, sus, kalapit. Puede raw mag-pedicab sa kanto at 7 pesos lang daw ang bayad. God bless his heart. Kundi matataga na naman ako. Sabi ko nga 25 siningil sa akin nung tricycle. Masyado raw mahal. Hmp.
Paglabas, naisip ko gutom na ako. Mag-KFC kaya muna ako. Kaya pumara ako ng taxi at sumilip ako sa bintana, sabi ko dalhin ako sa KFC sa may Silahis Hotel. Aba ang driver, poker face lang sabay harurot. Bastos! Di man lang ako sinagot. Did not even bother to shake his head. Hay. Nagtanong ako sa parking attendant, “Agham ba ‘to?”. Oo raw. Walang taxi so I decided to take the pedicab. That was when I realized, hindi ‘to Agham Road.
Pagdating sa East avenue, inabot ko, with confidence, ang aking pitong piso ang never looked back. Lakad-lakad. Aha! KFC! Lakad-lakad pa ulit habang umiiwas sa napakaraming vendor at mga taong kumakain sa sidewalk. Fishball, kikiam, ulam na nakabalot sa plastic. Kakagutom. Binilisan ko pa ang lakad ko para makatakas sa usok ng sigarilyo ng mamang nasa harapan ko. That was when I realized, ngek. Walang tawiran papuntang KFC. Ayoko namang gumaya sa iba at mag-ober da island. Lakad-lakad pa. That was when I saw the SSS building. Naalala ko nung high school ako tumira ako sa tiya ko ng isang taon kasi pinaalis kami sa dormitoryo. Hindi dahil sa nagloko ako or nasipa. Itinatayo pa lang kasi ang dorm annex nun at kulang sa beds kaya pinalabas, sapilitan, ang lahat ng merong malapit na kamag-anak. Pagdating ng sunod na taon, balik dorm ako. Alala ko pa nun, umiikot pa ako from our school papuntang Pantranco, tapos Kamuning, tapos V. Luna. Tatlong sakay ng jeep! Loka-loka talaga. Samantalang ang napakadali sana kung nag-bus na lang ako. Kaya ngang lakarin mula sa school hanggang bahay kung tutuusin.
Then naisip ko, punta na kaya ako ng East Avenue Medical Center para kumuha ng yellow prescription? Ting! Yehey! Sa wakas. Lakad-lakad pa ulit. More vendors. Tinitingan ko ang sidewalk. Ang hirap maglakad. Bakit ba butas-butas ito, daig pang craters sa buwan? Mukhang may balak sana silang ayusin pero… bakit wala namang makitang mga nag-aayos? For a while, sa kalye kami naglalakad. Susme. Salamat at di kami nahagip ng mga rumaragasang bus.
Pagdating sa EAMC, I was tempted to ask the guard pero nakita ko ang paskel – Pharmacy. Pagdating dun, ay sa loob dawsa kabilang Pharmacy malapit sa ATM machine sabi ng pharmacist siguro yun. Pasok ako. May nakita akong taxi na huminto sa tapat ng Trauma Center. Nagmamadaling bumaba ang isang aleng merong dalang tsinelas, tinatawag ang guard at sabi patulong pagbaba ng pasyente. Yung guard tumango lang. Sumenyas papasok. Sabi ng babae di raw kayang maglakad nung mama. Wala pa rin. Pinagtulungan na lang nila ibaba. Pagod na siguro yung guard. Or maybe he realized wala sa job description n’ya yun.
Anyway, aircon ang Pharmacy. Salamat… lamig. Inantay ko yung lalaki na in charge sa yellow Rx. May nagtanong sa aking ale, mukhang hagas na hagas at pagod, saan daw ba humihingi ng tulong doon. Nag-kibit balikat lang ako at sabi ko hindi ko po alam. Tapos, nakaramdam ako ng guilt. Naisip ko, abutan ko kaya ng isang daan? Tapos dumating na ang lalaki at nakalimutan ko na yung ale. Binigyan ako ng form and logbook to fill out. Sinabi ko kukuha ako ng 3 booklets (50 prescriptions each yun). Tapos pinapabayad ako sa cashier. Pagdating dun, holy cow! Number 702 ako, nasa 670 pa lang.
Nuninuninu. Check ng text. Paypay. Check ng email sa phone, ayaw. Naisip ko, punta na kaya ako ng BIR to apply for my TIN card. Paano? Google sa phone… kainis, mga walang kwenta ang lumalabas sa search ko. Ay. Nood na lang muna ako ng Wowowee. Walang sound so tumitig lang ako sa screen mindlessly habang meron isang babae sa audience na paulit-ilit na ifino-focus ng camera man. Malaking babae na naka-blue na spaghetti shirt with plunging neckline. Maputi sya at well endowed. Yugyog ng yugyog habang… alam mo na. Enjoy si Willie. Hay. Sayang ang precious airtime.
Tinawagan ko tita ko para magtanong pano pumunta BIR. Tinuruan ako ng dalawa kong tiya. Natatawa ako habang kinekwento kung gaano pa kalayo ang number ko. Bakit, wala daw ba akong kakilala? Wala e. At saka okay lang, sabi ko. Lahat nakapila e. Kailangang makisama.
Yey, number 680-plus na. Nakita ko parating ang dalawing surgeons, mga kasabayan ko nung residente pa kami at nagro-rotate sila sa ospital namin. Umiwas ako ng tingin, sabay yuko, at nagtext. Wala ako sa mood makipag-kumustahan. Pihadong tatanungin kung saan na ako e wala pa nga. Kaya nga ako naglalakad ng kung anu-anong papeles. Pagdaan nila napansin ko, malakas ang boses nung isa. Mukha tuloy mayabang. Di pa rin nagbabago.
Yipee. Number 701. Ako na sunod. Pagkatapos, balik sa Pharmacy. Nginitian ako ng lalaki. “Haba po ng pila ano, Doc?”. Sabi ko, oo, grabe. I was tempted to say, “Di mo man lang ako winarningan”. But I found myself smiling at him and saying, “Pero okay lang kasi mabilis naman at maayos kasi may number”. Hello, ako ba ‘to? Optimistic? Ganun?! Sabay dagdag, “Pero sa susunod 5 booklet na ang kukunin ko, hehe”.
Paglabas, nagtanong ako sa lady guard (guard #4), saan papunta BIR. Yun ba yun? Sabay turo sa isang building na napaka-pamilyar sa akin. Tanaw kasi yun sa bintana sa dorm ko nung first year high school ako. Nai-drawing ko pa nga yun para sa isang art project. Di n’ya alam. Central bank daw ata yun.
Labas ako, lakad. Pagdating sa may labasan I asked two guards (guards #5 and #6). Oo daw, BIR papunta dun. Kaya bang lakarin? Oo raw. So lakad ulit sa butas-butas na sidewalk. Takip ng ilong kasi mausok. Tawid. Pagdating sa kabilang kanto, merong jeep. Hmmm. Sasakay ba ako? May nakita akong matandang lola na nagbabalat ng suhang tinda n’ya sa isang kariton. “Malapit lang ho ba ang BIR? Kayang lakarin?” Ah oo raw, malapit lang. Diretso lang, makikita ko puting building. Bait ni lola. God bless her heart.
Lakad-lakad. Dami palang government agencies dito, sunud-sunod. Parang sinadya ata sa bandang ito ng Q.C. Medyo hingal at pawisan na ako nun. I realized, “malapit lang” is relative. To think na lola pa yung napagtanungan ko. Kung sa kanya nga malapit lang ito, kaya ko ‘to!
Yey! BIR na. Laki pala ng compound. Pasok. Tanong ulit (guard #7), dito ba kumukuha ng TIN card? Sa Q.C. and dati kong employer e. Naku, ang alam daw n’ya sa BIR sa may Delta. Naku po. Tapos, binulungan ako malamang ng guardian angel ko. Sabi ko sa guard, punta na kaya ako dun or itanong ko muna sa loob. Tanong ko na lang daw muna para sigurado. Good answer! (mala-Family Feud).
Lakad papasok. Daming magagarang sasakyan ah. I was tempted to think evil thoughts re BIR employees but promptly guarded my neurons. Masama ‘yan. Papalapit sa building napansin ko daming taong nakaupo sa steps sa harap. Lapit ako sa guard para magtanong (guard #8). Lunch break pa daw e. Mag-antay muna. Akala ko wala ng lunch break ang mga government agencies? Anyway, 15 minutes na lang naman. I sat down on one of the steps, checked my to-do/errand list, and used the time to catch my breath.
Mamaya, pag lingon ko, nakapila na pala ang karamihan para sa pagpasok at inspection ng gamit. Nakipila na ako. Maayos ah. Disiplinado mga tao. May pag-asa pa ang Pilipinas, naisip ko. Pagdating sa info, nagtanong ako sa lady guard tungkol sa pakay ko (guard #9). Ay, hindi po dito mam. Labas po kayo sa kabilang building sa Verification. Yikes. Buti na lang at napaka-polite ng lady guard at nakangiti pa. I think she likes her job, God bless her heart.
Lakad ulit palabas, masakit na sa balat ang init ah. Nagpasalamat ako at nagpahid ako ng sunblock sa mukha nung umaga bago umalis ng bahay. Tamad kasi ako magpayong pag hindi naman para sa ulan. Pero sa dami ng ipinawis ko malamang nabura na ang sun block ko. Hmm. Saan kaya dito. Uy, isa pang lady guard (#10). Tanong ulit. Sa wakas, dun pala. Pagpasok ko, hay salamat, aircon. Nakita ko meron mga slips of paper so isinulat ko doon ang pangalan, TIN, at birthday ko. Habang ginagawa ko yun, kapansin-pansin na meron mga bata, mga elementarya pa lang na mga naka-sando at naka shorts na uniform, pakalat-kalat sa loob. Ah, mga galing school. Anak ng empleyado. Tapos nakita ko isang ale na natutulog ng nakaupo. That’s when I noticed, oops… patay pa pala ang ilaw. E ba’t bukas ang pinto? Umupo muna ako sandali. Nagpaypay… ooh, sarap ng lamig ng aircon. Kumakalam na ang tiyan ko. Saan kaya ako kakain?
After a few minutes, nilapitan na ko ng isang middle-aged lady. Nakangiti naman although halata na parang sawa na s’ya sa trabaho n’ya. Naku. Sa BIR Manila daw ako dapat. Nakita ‘ata ang blangko kong mukha. “Sa may Intramuros malapit sa Manila Cathedral”, dagdag n’ya. Yikes. Blangko pa rin. Sabi ko, “Bakit po kaya doon samantalang sa Quezon City ang dati kong employer?”. She then read out a very familiar Manila address. Dating apartment naming magkapatid nung dalaga pa ako/kami. Hehe. Naalala ko bigla na nagpunta nga pala ako doon sa Manila BIR some 6 years ago. I smiled at her sheepishly. Naglakad ulit palabas. Yey, merong pila ng taxi. SM City nga po.
Sakit ng paa ko at gutom na talaga pero masaya ako sa aking pagkakaupo. Ang dami kong memories sa lugar na ito ng Q.C. I took out my Notebook PDA and started crossing out some of my to-do’s. Sarap. Pure bliss. Nakalampas tuloy ang aking high school alma mater at nalimutan kong tingnan. Pinagmasdan ko na lang yung Gym. Luma na. Weird. Nung gumradweyt ako, ginagawa pa lang at di ‘sya lubusang tapos kaya ganun ang itsura. Ngayon, some 20 years later, ganun pa rin ang itsura kaso naluluma na. Hindi pala ito tuluyang naipatapos. Problema sa pondo, malamang.
Yey, SM City. Must look for lunch. Sa NBS ako ibinaba. Wow, lamig. Wow, pinalaki na. Wow, daming books on sale! Must. Restrain. Myself. Dami ko pa libro sa bahay na di nababasa. At dami ko pang pagkakagastusan. Pumila ako sa xerox, kapal ng hawak ng dalawang nasa unahan ko, e isang page lang ang ipapa-xerox ko. Makikusap ba ako? Forget it. Bumili na lang ako ng 3x5 index cards for my Hipster PDA, at saka carbon paper para sa yellow Rx at isang short brown envelope. Hay hirap magpigil.
Paglabas ko, I realized I needed to go to the restroom. Ayun, nasa dati pa ring lugar sa may kalapit ng NBS at tapat ng Our Tribe. I was amazed dahil halos hindi nagbago yung mga shops. Parang hindi 20+ years ang lumipas. Kaso, nalungkot ako panandalian kasi naalala ko si Daddy. Kaka-miss. Marami-rami ring minuto ang itinayo ni Daddy sa kantong yun malapit sa CR, NBS, at Mr. Quickie. Doon n’ya kami inaantay habang nakapila sa pag-ihi kaming tatlong mag-iina. Kaka-miss talaga.
Pagkatapos, nakita ko ang McDo.Umorder ako ng 1-pc chicken meal at large coke. Ah, sarap. Lamig! Uhaw na uhaw pala ako. Sabay labas ng Biogesic at Myonal kasi naninigas na batok ko. Naisip ko na di na siguro mabibilang ang dami ng beses na kumain ako sa McDo na yun. Lalo na siguro sa McDo sa Quezon Avenue, tapat ng NBS.
I felt happy when I realized na tumatanda na talaga ako and that I have attained some degree of maturity. Wala na akong hang-ups about eating in a restaurant by myself. Dati I felt so conscious, as if nakakaawa ako kasi wala akong kausap. Ngayon, di ko na nga naiisip na mag-isa pala ako. Kebs. Tapos natanaw ko yung isang shop sa dako paroon, yung nagtitinda ng mga glittery na formal wear.
Parang kailan lang ng pagalitan kaming mga kabarkada ko nung 3rd year high school at pinalabas sa tindahan na yun. Paano kasi, we were laughing our heads off sa mga OA at halos outlandish na mga long gowns nila. Naghahanap kami ng maisusuot sa prom and couldn’t help laughing at their wares hanggang sa magsisakitan na ang tiyan namin at naluluha na kami. Nabwiset ang tindera. Nga naman. Pero ang saya namin noon!
Pagkakain, solved! Naglakad na ulit ako. My feet were happy to have gotten some rest. Saan kaya meron computer shop para makapagpa-print ako ng document na kailangan kong ipadala sa Mommy ko? Uy, guard. (Guard number, teka… anong number na ba? Ah, #11). Sa Annex daw, itinuro ko. Sabi ko anong floor. Di na sinagot. Tapos I asked kung saan ang daan papuntang MRT. Na-realize ko na nakakarami na akong guard so kailangan ko na rin itanong para alam ko na ang daan pag-uwi ko mamaya.
Pagdating sa Annex, aba ibang-iba na. Una, wala na yung parang latang bridge/walkway papunta doon galing sa Main Building. Tumutunog-tunog pa yun dati pag nilalakaran. Naalala ko na nandoon sa Annex ang French Baker at saka, ano pa nga ba yung isang shop na lagi naming pinupuntahan nina Mommy noon? Di ko maaalala. Ah, favorite ko din puntahan noon yun isang bookstore… no, office supplies store na meron mga Fiesta greeting cards. Ano nga ba yun? Bakit naalala ko ang itsura ng plastic bag nila (white na meron greenish lines) pero di ko maalala pangalan ng tindahan? Aaah… Expressions! Yes! Kaka-miss.
Anyway, malaki na yung Annex! As in. Nakakaligaw! Maganda at mukhang bago! Pero nakaramdam ako ng konting lungkot. Una, kasi ang hirap puntahan ng mga escalator, paikot-ikot. Lakad pa rin! More importantly, nalungkot ako kasi nawala na yung dating Annex… parang itinangay ang napakarami kong memories of it. Masaya kami namamasayal doon dati ng pamilya namin. Pati nung best friend ko. At pati ng isang kaklase ko nung high school whom I dated when I was in college at muntik ko nang maging boyfriend kaso naudlot/natauhan ako. (Baka pati rin s’ya, hehe).
Naku nasa 4th at 5th level ang Cyberzone. Katakut-takot na pag-ikot para makaakyat ng escalator. Wala masyadong namimili. Mukhang bored yung isang saleslady at nakatayo na sa labas ng shop n’ya. I was half-expecting her to shout, “Bili na kayo!”. That’s when I heard the most amusing line I’ve ever heard in a really long time. I never thought I’d live to hear it. “Those who have submitted their robots, please take your seats”.
That poked my curiosity big time. Sumilip ako sa activity center. Daming mga estudyante, karamihan high school. I read the sign. The 8th Philippine Robotics Olympiad. Saya! I quickly scanned the crowd to look for my schoolmates… ayun!
Napaka-high tech ng mga kabataang ito. Kanya-kanyang laptop bawat grupo. Naka-Mac pa ang iba. Samantalang ako noon, naka-Wordstar at naka-save ang data sa Floppy Disk. Hehe. F-something pa nga para mai-sentro ang isang line. Kakaaliw isipin.
Tapos sabi ng emcee na mukhang naiirita na, “Pleeeease, sit down. Don’t worry, your robots are safe”. Aliw talaga ako. I must have looked silly; couldn’t get my grin off my face. I felt… ancient. Naisip ko, grabe, pag ganito ang magiging homework ng mga anak ko, hindi ko sila matutulungan. Hanggang moral support na lang ako.
I finally found the computer shop I’d been looking for and finally got my printing job done. I retraced my steps back to the other building. Nakita ko ang LBC, pinadala ko ang aking package kay Mommy, tapos bumalik ako sa mall at naisip ko, kailangan nga pala ng bagong khaki shorts ng anak ko for school.
Napadaan ako sa mga medyas and got myself a pack of 3 cotton foot socks. Sana okay. I know, I know, I should have bought only one kasi di ko pa alam kung okay sa akin. Ewan ko ba kung bakit nagpadala ako dun sa saleslady. Sabi kasi n’ya makakatipid ako sa tatlo. Haller.
Laking tuwa ko nang makita ko na yung shorts ng anak ko na out of stock sa SM Makati ay available. Di lang yun, 50% off pa. As in! Kasi raw i-phase out na ang shorts sa brand nila at puro pants na lang ang gagawin. Sayang naman, sabi ko. Yung kanila ang pinakamatibay sa lahat ng nasubukan namin. Di agad nanu-nutnot ang tela. Anyway, maya-maya lang magpa-pants na rin ang panganay ko.
Tapos, nagpunta ako sa toy section. Alam mo, kaming mag-asawa nagkasundo kami na hindi namin sasanayin ang mga bata na nasusunod lahat ang gusto nila. Kaso, lately, di ko alam kung bakit maya’t maya ay nagpapabili sila sa amin ng iba’t ibang klaseng laruan. Yun pala, bukod sa nakikita sa mga commercials na isinisingit sa cartoons, nalaman ko sa yaya nila na halos linggo-linggo ay kanya-kanyang dala ng mga bagong laruan ang mga kaklase nila.
Nakaramdam ako ng awa. Although ayaw namin na lumaki silang materyoso, ayoko din naman na maramdaman nila na deprived sila, lalo na’t meron naman pambili kahit na papano. So dinampot ko ang isang 4-pack ng Play-Doh at isang set ng Pizza Maker na Play-Doh rin. Habang nakapila ako sa kahera, isip ko balato ko na ito sa kanila sa premyong napanalunan ko. Ang saya, excited akong umuwi. Tinext ko ang aming kasambahay para sabihin sa mga bata na ‘wag manood ng TV at meron akong surprise na pasalubong.
Pagkabayad, tinanong ko ang saleslady kung paano makarating sa MRT station. Kahit na naitanong ko na kanina, dahilo lumayo na ako e na-disorient akong muli. Itinuro naman sa akin. Naglakad ako papalabas sa Garden ng SM. Ganda. Maaraw pero mahangin. Nakaka-relax yung mga green na halaman at damuhan. Lalo na yung mga maliit-liit na pond na mababato. In fairness, maganda na ang SM, parang kagaya na ng mga Ayala Malls. Note to Self: sana makumbinse ko asawa ko na gumimik kami dito minsan, kahit na malayo. Para maiba naman.
Oops, asan na ba ang tawiran? Yes! Nakakita ulit ng guard. (Guard #12). Itinuro sa akin.
So, tumawid ako papunta Trinoma gamit ang bridge, baba ng hagdan, tawid, akyat papasok, tapos labas ulit papunta MRT station. Magtatanong pa sana ulit ako sa guard pero naisip kong tingnan na lang ang mga signs kasi maganda ang mga signs ng Ayala Malls. Baba ulit para makatawid sa kabilang side, tapos akyat. Hingal. Antay ng tren. Pilit kong isiniksik ang sarili ko kahit na muntikan nang abutan ng sumasarang mga pinto. Whew. Pag-upo ko sa loob, my aching feet sighed in relief. Pahinga. Maya-maya meron umakyat na matandang lola. Naisip ko, naku po, papaupuin ko ba si lola, siguradong hanggang dulo na ako hindi makakaupo pag ibinigay ko itong lugar ko. Bago pa ako makapag-desisyon, may isang babae na tumayo at nagbigay-daan sa matanda. Hay. God bless her soul. I really wanted to rest my tired legs.
Habang nakasakay sa MRT, bumuhos ang ulan. Nagdasal ako panandalian at sabi ko, sana hindi baha sa Malate pag-uwi ko. Pagkarating sa kabilang dulo ng linya ng MRT, siksikan kaming lumabas, kontra sa mga taong nagpupumilit nang pumasok kahit na papalabas pa lang kami. Tapos, siksikan din paakyat ng escalator. Normally, nag-aantay ako hangganag mag-subside ang crowd o kaya sa hagdan ako umaakyat para makaiwas sa siksikan. Pero pagod na ako at atat ng makauwi.
Sakay ng LRT. Maya-maya lang napansin ko na huminto na ang ulan. Ang bait talaga ni Lord. Pagbaba ko, ano ba… nagkamali ako ng tawid. Napalayo pa akong lalo sa amin. Disoriented. Bumalik ako at tumawid papunta sa kabilang direksiyon. Pasalamat talaga ako at mayroong LRT at MRT. Sana dumami pa sila.
Maya-maya lang, ayan na. Nilalaro na ng mga anak ko ang Play-Doh. Tuwang-tuwa sila. Ang panganay na lalaki, agad na binuo ang kanyang Solar System. Mahusay! Ang Mars, red talaga. Ang Jupiter, pinakamalaki talaga. At ang Earth, napakaganda. Pinaghalo n’ya ang blue at green. Nagpasalamat ako at naisip ko, kanino kaya nagmana ng pagka-artistic ang batang ito? Parang kailan lamang e sinabi sa akin ng doktor na autistic s’ya. Matapos ang halos 2 taon na kaka-therapy at check up, eto na s’ya. Napaka-daldal at matanong. Ikaw ang susuko.
Ang pangalawa kong babae, excited an excited na gumawa ng mga maliliit na pagkain at gumawa ng pizza n’ya. Pinaghalo-halo kaagad ang mga kulay. Pipigilin ko sana at sasabihan to keep the colors segregated. Buti na lang, I was able to stop my ok-ok self and just let go and let the kids be.
Ang bunso, napakatahimik. Walang-imik pero tuloy ang paggawa ng sarili n’yang mga pieces. Bunso s’ya pero kaya n’yang makipagsabayan sa mga kapatid n’ya. Tahimik lang pero halatang enjoy. Naupo ako sa dining. Itinaas ko ang aking paa at binasa ang mga letters mula sa eskwelahan. Bingo tickets. 400 pesos bawat bata. Hehe. Here we go again.
Nilabas ko ang aking Notebook PDA at muling tiningnan ang mga na-accomplish ko. I felt very good about myself. Sulit ang pawis at sakit ng binti. Natuwa din ako nung naisip ko, siguro pumayat ako sa maghapong kakalakad ko. Sabay kuha ng matamis na biscuit pang-meryenda.
Iniisip ko, ano ba ang kakaiba sa naging maghapon ko at parang ibang klaseng saya ang naidulot nito sa akin. Pinagmuni-munihan ko kanina at eto ang mga naisip ko:
Masaya kasi may na-accomplish akong mga bagay-bagay na bago kahapon ay parang ang hihirap gawin at di ko alam kung paano. Nagawa ko sa tulong ng mga taong handa naman palang tumulong basta magtatanong lang.
Tapos, each turn of event was unexpected… halos unplanned. Ang saya din palang maging spontaneous paminsan-minsan, kahit na sa maliliit na bagay.
I realized din na, contrary to my nature, I tried my best to get the most out of each situation. To think positive. To see the glass half-full. I tried my best, again, contrary to my nature, to keep from whining.
Isa pa, mas magaan pala ang buhay when we try to make light of the situation and look for things that amuse us or make us happy. Index cards. Robotics. Simple.
Lastly, nakakasaya din pala ang pagbalik-tanaw sa mga pangyayari sa nakaraan. Kahit na mayroon konting lungkot na kasama, maganda pa rin alalahanin. At the same time, i-embrace din ang mga bago sa ating buhay. At magpasalamat sa mga magagandang changes na nangyayari.
Ang saya. Salamat kay Lord.
Paano kaya pumunta ng BIR Manila? Makakailang guard na naman kayo ako? ;)
Sinimulan ko ang araw ko sa pagliligpit ng aking higaan. Pagbaba, kinausap ko ang aking panganay at pangalawang anak. Kahit pupungas-pungas pa ako, sinisigurado ko na makausap ko at makasama sila kahit 15 to 20 minutes man lang bago sila sunduin ng kanilang school service. Kumain ako ng almusal pagkatapos ay nilambing sandali ang aking bunso.
Eto siguro ang una at pinakamahalagang bagay na nagpa-“iba” sa maghapon ko kahapon: I got my battered throw pillow (yung ginagamit ko sa upuan ko para di sumakit pwet ko, habang di pa ako nakakabili ng sarili kong ergonomic office chair) and threw it on the floor. Pagkatapos nun, lumuhod ako sa unan at nagdasal ng taimtim. Bukod sa mga pagpupuri, paghingi ng tawad, pasasalamat sa mga biyaya at paghingi ng proteksyon para sa aking sarili at sa aking mga mahal sa buhay, itinaas ko kay Lord ang lahat ng mga lakad at gawain sa maghapon.
Naligo, mabilis na nagbihis at nag-blow dry ng buhok, tapos, off I went!
Una, nagpunta ako sa Taft Avenue at sumakay ng jeep papunta sa isang bangko. Sa totoo lang, nakakahiya man aminin, takot ako sa bangko. Hindi ko kasi masyadong naiintindihan ang mga transaksyon. Pakiramdam ko mangmang ako. Mas nakakahiya ito dahil si Daddy, sumalangit nawa, ay isang bangkero. At ang aking nag-iisang kapatid ay nagtatrabaho din sa bangko. Pero ewan ko ba. Simpleng debit at credit, napapagbaliktad ko pa!
Anyway, pinakiusapan ako ng aking butihing asawa na magdeposito ng cheke para sa kanya. Out of the country s’ya ngayon sa isang business trip kaya… no choice. Bakit kaya nakakapagbasa ako ng mga mahahabang libro pang-Medisina pero nai-intimidate ako ng isang deposit slip? Weirdo talaga.
Pagdating dun, uh-oh. Sabi ng teller sa akin, merong alteration sa pangalan ng asawa ko dun sa checke. Itatanong daw muna sa manager kung okay. Hay. Pinaupo muna ako. Napatingin ako sa kalangitan at sabi ko, “Daddy, pa’no ba ‘to?”. Biniro ko na lang ang teller na napakatalas ng mata n’ya kasi hindi namin napansin yun.
Habang inaantay na matapos ang manager sa kinakausap na kliyente, ipinakita ko sa kanya ang isa pang tseke. Premyo ko yun sa isang research presentation kung saan nanalo ako ng first prize nung nakaraang linggo. Sabi ko, “Puede ko ba ito i-encash?”. Tapos, hingang malalim, “Hindi ako marunong e”, sabay ngiti. Buti na lang napakabait at pala-ngiti yung teller, not like most tellers na nakadaupang-palad ko. I think it also helped a lot that their branch was not busy. Matumal, kumpara sa ibang mga napuntahan ko.
Kinuha n’ya ang tseke, tinatakan sa likod, tiningnan ang aking ID, pina-fill out sa akin ang likod ng tseke, tinignan n’ya ulit, ibinalik kasi – oops, may nakalimutan pa akong pirmahan – tapos, presto! Nagbibilang na s’ya ng pera para sa akin. Yipee! Premyo! Dinero! Mwaah.
Sa wakas natapos na ang manager. Pagkatapos ng maigsi nilang pag-uusap, bumalik na nakangiti muli ang teller at sinabing okay daw kaya lang…
Teller: Local time po, okay lang?
Ako: (Duh). Ah, ano ibig sabihin noon?
Teller: Ibig sabihin po 3 days pa, sa Friday pa ang clearing. Kailangang-kailangan na po ba ang pondo?
Ako: Ah, hindi naman. (Then, I took a deep breath and took the risk of making a fool of myself). Bakit? Supposedly ba real-time?
(Was ‘real-time’ an acceptable banking term? Di kaya isipin nitong babae e saan kayang planeta akong nanggaling? Nagulat ako kasi ngumiti pa rin s’ya sa akin, as if napaka-normal ng mga tanong ko).
Teller: Opo. Normally kasi withdrawable na agad ito.
Ako: Oh. Okay lang. Thank you.
I walked out of the bank feeling so pleased with myself. Marunong na akong: (1) mag-encash ng tseke, at (2) mag-deposito ng tseke. Yahoo. At ang pinaka-mahalagang lesson na natutunan ko sa umagang iyon, ang lesson na naging gabay ko sa buong maghapon ay: Walang masamang magtanong kung talagang hindi mo alam. It does not make me a lesser person when I admit my ignorance and dare to ask.
Paglabas, naghanap ako ng xerox. Tawid, tanong… sira daw. Hmm. Next step, sumakay ng LRT. Pero nasa gitna ako ng dalawang istasyon. Isip, isip. Jeep? Lakad? Naisip ko, hay mas madaling maglakad. Ngayon alam mo na kung bakit nanakit ang aking binti. Umpisa pa lang ito.
So, sakay ng LRT, medyo nag-relax muna ako habang nakatayo at nakakapit sa hawakan, at pilit na nilalayo ang aking katawan sa isang babaeng nakadikit sa akin at pawisang pawisan. Thank God for Stored Value Tickets! Tapos, umakyat ako ng hagdan para makalipat sa MRT station. Sa wakas, nakaupo na ako sa MRT. Ganda ng pwesto ko. Malamig at maluwag.
God bless the person, kung sino man s’ya, who decided to designate the first few cars of the MRT as exclusive for females, seniors, preggies, and those with little kids. Parang LRT na din. Dati hindi e. Mas relaxed and feeling ko pag puro kami babae. Mapapansin mo, lahat relaxed. Pag-upo, sabay mga nagpapaypay and/or nagsusuklay, naglalabas ng salamin, nag-aayos ng sarili. Sabay yakap sa bag at tulog.
Ako naman, ayoko matulog. Kahit pa halimbawa sa dulong station ako bababa, ayoko pa rin. So, I took out my rosary and prayed while enjoying the view. Ganda ng panahon. Maaraw. Hassle mag-commute kapag umuulan.
Pagdating sa may bandang Cubao, nakita ko ang Nepa Q-Mart at naglaro ang isipan ko. Medyo na-senti ako. Naalala ko ang aking kabataan. Twice a year, tuwing magpapasukan at magpapasko, lumuluwas kaming mag-anak para mag-shopping sa Cubao. Yun yung mga panahon na naka-Gregg shoes pa ako sa school (‘yan ang sinisisi ko sa pagiging malaki ng binti ko. Matibay pero… man, ang bigat!). At ang tanging alam naming bilihan ay C.O.D. At kaligayahan ko ang pagsakay ng tren sa Fiesta Carnival. At ang paboritong-paboritong kainan ni Daddy ay Hong Ning. Yum, sarap. Kahit pa diring-diri si Mommy sa mga madudulas at plastic nilang mangkok. Eew.
I made a mental note to myself: must convince hubby (or sis) to accompany me to Gateway in Cubao. Gusto kong masaksihan ang mga naging pagbabago doon.
Oops, eto na. GMA-Kamuning station na. Bumaba na ako. Nasabi ko na ba sa’yo na sa maghapon ko kahapon ay isang tambak na security guard ang napagtanungan ko? Bukod pa dun ang mga iba pang taong nagbigay din sa akin ng direksyon.
Nagtanong ako sa guard (#1) kung saan banda ang PDEA. Itinuro, malapit lang daw. Puede din daw akong mag-tricycle sa baba ng station. Ting! Tama. Must conserve my energy. Nahanap ko ang tricycle. Pagkakamali ko, di ko naitanong sa guard kung magkano usually ang pamasahe. Sinigil ako ng 25 pesos!
So nakarating ako ng PDEA. Inspection ng bag, surrender ID, log in, tapos tanong (guard #2) kung saan nagre-renew ng S2. Akyat ako second floor. Labas ng requirements, fill out ng form, tingin-tingin sa mga katabi… antay sa babae (pansamantala s’yang nawala), akyat sa 3rd floor sa cashier, balik sa babae… tapos na! Mga 20 minutes lang siguro, tops. Nag-antay pa ako sa cashier kasi misteryoso ding nawala sandali. Ang galing! I was beginniing to feel good about our government agencies. Walang red tape! Puede ko na raw balikan para kunin ang ID ko sa Monday. (Later on, I got confused kasi ang nakalagay sa claim stub ko e October 8 pa, hmm). Kaya lang, kailangan ko talagang magdala ng TIN card para ma-claim yung ID ko. Ayayay.
Pagdating sa gate palabas, nagtanong ako (guard #3) kung saan ang East Avenue. Itinuro sa akin, sus, kalapit. Puede raw mag-pedicab sa kanto at 7 pesos lang daw ang bayad. God bless his heart. Kundi matataga na naman ako. Sabi ko nga 25 siningil sa akin nung tricycle. Masyado raw mahal. Hmp.
Paglabas, naisip ko gutom na ako. Mag-KFC kaya muna ako. Kaya pumara ako ng taxi at sumilip ako sa bintana, sabi ko dalhin ako sa KFC sa may Silahis Hotel. Aba ang driver, poker face lang sabay harurot. Bastos! Di man lang ako sinagot. Did not even bother to shake his head. Hay. Nagtanong ako sa parking attendant, “Agham ba ‘to?”. Oo raw. Walang taxi so I decided to take the pedicab. That was when I realized, hindi ‘to Agham Road.
Pagdating sa East avenue, inabot ko, with confidence, ang aking pitong piso ang never looked back. Lakad-lakad. Aha! KFC! Lakad-lakad pa ulit habang umiiwas sa napakaraming vendor at mga taong kumakain sa sidewalk. Fishball, kikiam, ulam na nakabalot sa plastic. Kakagutom. Binilisan ko pa ang lakad ko para makatakas sa usok ng sigarilyo ng mamang nasa harapan ko. That was when I realized, ngek. Walang tawiran papuntang KFC. Ayoko namang gumaya sa iba at mag-ober da island. Lakad-lakad pa. That was when I saw the SSS building. Naalala ko nung high school ako tumira ako sa tiya ko ng isang taon kasi pinaalis kami sa dormitoryo. Hindi dahil sa nagloko ako or nasipa. Itinatayo pa lang kasi ang dorm annex nun at kulang sa beds kaya pinalabas, sapilitan, ang lahat ng merong malapit na kamag-anak. Pagdating ng sunod na taon, balik dorm ako. Alala ko pa nun, umiikot pa ako from our school papuntang Pantranco, tapos Kamuning, tapos V. Luna. Tatlong sakay ng jeep! Loka-loka talaga. Samantalang ang napakadali sana kung nag-bus na lang ako. Kaya ngang lakarin mula sa school hanggang bahay kung tutuusin.
Then naisip ko, punta na kaya ako ng East Avenue Medical Center para kumuha ng yellow prescription? Ting! Yehey! Sa wakas. Lakad-lakad pa ulit. More vendors. Tinitingan ko ang sidewalk. Ang hirap maglakad. Bakit ba butas-butas ito, daig pang craters sa buwan? Mukhang may balak sana silang ayusin pero… bakit wala namang makitang mga nag-aayos? For a while, sa kalye kami naglalakad. Susme. Salamat at di kami nahagip ng mga rumaragasang bus.
Pagdating sa EAMC, I was tempted to ask the guard pero nakita ko ang paskel – Pharmacy. Pagdating dun, ay sa loob dawsa kabilang Pharmacy malapit sa ATM machine sabi ng pharmacist siguro yun. Pasok ako. May nakita akong taxi na huminto sa tapat ng Trauma Center. Nagmamadaling bumaba ang isang aleng merong dalang tsinelas, tinatawag ang guard at sabi patulong pagbaba ng pasyente. Yung guard tumango lang. Sumenyas papasok. Sabi ng babae di raw kayang maglakad nung mama. Wala pa rin. Pinagtulungan na lang nila ibaba. Pagod na siguro yung guard. Or maybe he realized wala sa job description n’ya yun.
Anyway, aircon ang Pharmacy. Salamat… lamig. Inantay ko yung lalaki na in charge sa yellow Rx. May nagtanong sa aking ale, mukhang hagas na hagas at pagod, saan daw ba humihingi ng tulong doon. Nag-kibit balikat lang ako at sabi ko hindi ko po alam. Tapos, nakaramdam ako ng guilt. Naisip ko, abutan ko kaya ng isang daan? Tapos dumating na ang lalaki at nakalimutan ko na yung ale. Binigyan ako ng form and logbook to fill out. Sinabi ko kukuha ako ng 3 booklets (50 prescriptions each yun). Tapos pinapabayad ako sa cashier. Pagdating dun, holy cow! Number 702 ako, nasa 670 pa lang.
Nuninuninu. Check ng text. Paypay. Check ng email sa phone, ayaw. Naisip ko, punta na kaya ako ng BIR to apply for my TIN card. Paano? Google sa phone… kainis, mga walang kwenta ang lumalabas sa search ko. Ay. Nood na lang muna ako ng Wowowee. Walang sound so tumitig lang ako sa screen mindlessly habang meron isang babae sa audience na paulit-ilit na ifino-focus ng camera man. Malaking babae na naka-blue na spaghetti shirt with plunging neckline. Maputi sya at well endowed. Yugyog ng yugyog habang… alam mo na. Enjoy si Willie. Hay. Sayang ang precious airtime.
Tinawagan ko tita ko para magtanong pano pumunta BIR. Tinuruan ako ng dalawa kong tiya. Natatawa ako habang kinekwento kung gaano pa kalayo ang number ko. Bakit, wala daw ba akong kakilala? Wala e. At saka okay lang, sabi ko. Lahat nakapila e. Kailangang makisama.
Yey, number 680-plus na. Nakita ko parating ang dalawing surgeons, mga kasabayan ko nung residente pa kami at nagro-rotate sila sa ospital namin. Umiwas ako ng tingin, sabay yuko, at nagtext. Wala ako sa mood makipag-kumustahan. Pihadong tatanungin kung saan na ako e wala pa nga. Kaya nga ako naglalakad ng kung anu-anong papeles. Pagdaan nila napansin ko, malakas ang boses nung isa. Mukha tuloy mayabang. Di pa rin nagbabago.
Yipee. Number 701. Ako na sunod. Pagkatapos, balik sa Pharmacy. Nginitian ako ng lalaki. “Haba po ng pila ano, Doc?”. Sabi ko, oo, grabe. I was tempted to say, “Di mo man lang ako winarningan”. But I found myself smiling at him and saying, “Pero okay lang kasi mabilis naman at maayos kasi may number”. Hello, ako ba ‘to? Optimistic? Ganun?! Sabay dagdag, “Pero sa susunod 5 booklet na ang kukunin ko, hehe”.
Paglabas, nagtanong ako sa lady guard (guard #4), saan papunta BIR. Yun ba yun? Sabay turo sa isang building na napaka-pamilyar sa akin. Tanaw kasi yun sa bintana sa dorm ko nung first year high school ako. Nai-drawing ko pa nga yun para sa isang art project. Di n’ya alam. Central bank daw ata yun.
Labas ako, lakad. Pagdating sa may labasan I asked two guards (guards #5 and #6). Oo daw, BIR papunta dun. Kaya bang lakarin? Oo raw. So lakad ulit sa butas-butas na sidewalk. Takip ng ilong kasi mausok. Tawid. Pagdating sa kabilang kanto, merong jeep. Hmmm. Sasakay ba ako? May nakita akong matandang lola na nagbabalat ng suhang tinda n’ya sa isang kariton. “Malapit lang ho ba ang BIR? Kayang lakarin?” Ah oo raw, malapit lang. Diretso lang, makikita ko puting building. Bait ni lola. God bless her heart.
Lakad-lakad. Dami palang government agencies dito, sunud-sunod. Parang sinadya ata sa bandang ito ng Q.C. Medyo hingal at pawisan na ako nun. I realized, “malapit lang” is relative. To think na lola pa yung napagtanungan ko. Kung sa kanya nga malapit lang ito, kaya ko ‘to!
Yey! BIR na. Laki pala ng compound. Pasok. Tanong ulit (guard #7), dito ba kumukuha ng TIN card? Sa Q.C. and dati kong employer e. Naku, ang alam daw n’ya sa BIR sa may Delta. Naku po. Tapos, binulungan ako malamang ng guardian angel ko. Sabi ko sa guard, punta na kaya ako dun or itanong ko muna sa loob. Tanong ko na lang daw muna para sigurado. Good answer! (mala-Family Feud).
Lakad papasok. Daming magagarang sasakyan ah. I was tempted to think evil thoughts re BIR employees but promptly guarded my neurons. Masama ‘yan. Papalapit sa building napansin ko daming taong nakaupo sa steps sa harap. Lapit ako sa guard para magtanong (guard #8). Lunch break pa daw e. Mag-antay muna. Akala ko wala ng lunch break ang mga government agencies? Anyway, 15 minutes na lang naman. I sat down on one of the steps, checked my to-do/errand list, and used the time to catch my breath.
Mamaya, pag lingon ko, nakapila na pala ang karamihan para sa pagpasok at inspection ng gamit. Nakipila na ako. Maayos ah. Disiplinado mga tao. May pag-asa pa ang Pilipinas, naisip ko. Pagdating sa info, nagtanong ako sa lady guard tungkol sa pakay ko (guard #9). Ay, hindi po dito mam. Labas po kayo sa kabilang building sa Verification. Yikes. Buti na lang at napaka-polite ng lady guard at nakangiti pa. I think she likes her job, God bless her heart.
Lakad ulit palabas, masakit na sa balat ang init ah. Nagpasalamat ako at nagpahid ako ng sunblock sa mukha nung umaga bago umalis ng bahay. Tamad kasi ako magpayong pag hindi naman para sa ulan. Pero sa dami ng ipinawis ko malamang nabura na ang sun block ko. Hmm. Saan kaya dito. Uy, isa pang lady guard (#10). Tanong ulit. Sa wakas, dun pala. Pagpasok ko, hay salamat, aircon. Nakita ko meron mga slips of paper so isinulat ko doon ang pangalan, TIN, at birthday ko. Habang ginagawa ko yun, kapansin-pansin na meron mga bata, mga elementarya pa lang na mga naka-sando at naka shorts na uniform, pakalat-kalat sa loob. Ah, mga galing school. Anak ng empleyado. Tapos nakita ko isang ale na natutulog ng nakaupo. That’s when I noticed, oops… patay pa pala ang ilaw. E ba’t bukas ang pinto? Umupo muna ako sandali. Nagpaypay… ooh, sarap ng lamig ng aircon. Kumakalam na ang tiyan ko. Saan kaya ako kakain?
After a few minutes, nilapitan na ko ng isang middle-aged lady. Nakangiti naman although halata na parang sawa na s’ya sa trabaho n’ya. Naku. Sa BIR Manila daw ako dapat. Nakita ‘ata ang blangko kong mukha. “Sa may Intramuros malapit sa Manila Cathedral”, dagdag n’ya. Yikes. Blangko pa rin. Sabi ko, “Bakit po kaya doon samantalang sa Quezon City ang dati kong employer?”. She then read out a very familiar Manila address. Dating apartment naming magkapatid nung dalaga pa ako/kami. Hehe. Naalala ko bigla na nagpunta nga pala ako doon sa Manila BIR some 6 years ago. I smiled at her sheepishly. Naglakad ulit palabas. Yey, merong pila ng taxi. SM City nga po.
Sakit ng paa ko at gutom na talaga pero masaya ako sa aking pagkakaupo. Ang dami kong memories sa lugar na ito ng Q.C. I took out my Notebook PDA and started crossing out some of my to-do’s. Sarap. Pure bliss. Nakalampas tuloy ang aking high school alma mater at nalimutan kong tingnan. Pinagmasdan ko na lang yung Gym. Luma na. Weird. Nung gumradweyt ako, ginagawa pa lang at di ‘sya lubusang tapos kaya ganun ang itsura. Ngayon, some 20 years later, ganun pa rin ang itsura kaso naluluma na. Hindi pala ito tuluyang naipatapos. Problema sa pondo, malamang.
Yey, SM City. Must look for lunch. Sa NBS ako ibinaba. Wow, lamig. Wow, pinalaki na. Wow, daming books on sale! Must. Restrain. Myself. Dami ko pa libro sa bahay na di nababasa. At dami ko pang pagkakagastusan. Pumila ako sa xerox, kapal ng hawak ng dalawang nasa unahan ko, e isang page lang ang ipapa-xerox ko. Makikusap ba ako? Forget it. Bumili na lang ako ng 3x5 index cards for my Hipster PDA, at saka carbon paper para sa yellow Rx at isang short brown envelope. Hay hirap magpigil.
Paglabas ko, I realized I needed to go to the restroom. Ayun, nasa dati pa ring lugar sa may kalapit ng NBS at tapat ng Our Tribe. I was amazed dahil halos hindi nagbago yung mga shops. Parang hindi 20+ years ang lumipas. Kaso, nalungkot ako panandalian kasi naalala ko si Daddy. Kaka-miss. Marami-rami ring minuto ang itinayo ni Daddy sa kantong yun malapit sa CR, NBS, at Mr. Quickie. Doon n’ya kami inaantay habang nakapila sa pag-ihi kaming tatlong mag-iina. Kaka-miss talaga.
Pagkatapos, nakita ko ang McDo.Umorder ako ng 1-pc chicken meal at large coke. Ah, sarap. Lamig! Uhaw na uhaw pala ako. Sabay labas ng Biogesic at Myonal kasi naninigas na batok ko. Naisip ko na di na siguro mabibilang ang dami ng beses na kumain ako sa McDo na yun. Lalo na siguro sa McDo sa Quezon Avenue, tapat ng NBS.
I felt happy when I realized na tumatanda na talaga ako and that I have attained some degree of maturity. Wala na akong hang-ups about eating in a restaurant by myself. Dati I felt so conscious, as if nakakaawa ako kasi wala akong kausap. Ngayon, di ko na nga naiisip na mag-isa pala ako. Kebs. Tapos natanaw ko yung isang shop sa dako paroon, yung nagtitinda ng mga glittery na formal wear.
Parang kailan lang ng pagalitan kaming mga kabarkada ko nung 3rd year high school at pinalabas sa tindahan na yun. Paano kasi, we were laughing our heads off sa mga OA at halos outlandish na mga long gowns nila. Naghahanap kami ng maisusuot sa prom and couldn’t help laughing at their wares hanggang sa magsisakitan na ang tiyan namin at naluluha na kami. Nabwiset ang tindera. Nga naman. Pero ang saya namin noon!
Pagkakain, solved! Naglakad na ulit ako. My feet were happy to have gotten some rest. Saan kaya meron computer shop para makapagpa-print ako ng document na kailangan kong ipadala sa Mommy ko? Uy, guard. (Guard number, teka… anong number na ba? Ah, #11). Sa Annex daw, itinuro ko. Sabi ko anong floor. Di na sinagot. Tapos I asked kung saan ang daan papuntang MRT. Na-realize ko na nakakarami na akong guard so kailangan ko na rin itanong para alam ko na ang daan pag-uwi ko mamaya.
Pagdating sa Annex, aba ibang-iba na. Una, wala na yung parang latang bridge/walkway papunta doon galing sa Main Building. Tumutunog-tunog pa yun dati pag nilalakaran. Naalala ko na nandoon sa Annex ang French Baker at saka, ano pa nga ba yung isang shop na lagi naming pinupuntahan nina Mommy noon? Di ko maaalala. Ah, favorite ko din puntahan noon yun isang bookstore… no, office supplies store na meron mga Fiesta greeting cards. Ano nga ba yun? Bakit naalala ko ang itsura ng plastic bag nila (white na meron greenish lines) pero di ko maalala pangalan ng tindahan? Aaah… Expressions! Yes! Kaka-miss.
Anyway, malaki na yung Annex! As in. Nakakaligaw! Maganda at mukhang bago! Pero nakaramdam ako ng konting lungkot. Una, kasi ang hirap puntahan ng mga escalator, paikot-ikot. Lakad pa rin! More importantly, nalungkot ako kasi nawala na yung dating Annex… parang itinangay ang napakarami kong memories of it. Masaya kami namamasayal doon dati ng pamilya namin. Pati nung best friend ko. At pati ng isang kaklase ko nung high school whom I dated when I was in college at muntik ko nang maging boyfriend kaso naudlot/natauhan ako. (Baka pati rin s’ya, hehe).
Naku nasa 4th at 5th level ang Cyberzone. Katakut-takot na pag-ikot para makaakyat ng escalator. Wala masyadong namimili. Mukhang bored yung isang saleslady at nakatayo na sa labas ng shop n’ya. I was half-expecting her to shout, “Bili na kayo!”. That’s when I heard the most amusing line I’ve ever heard in a really long time. I never thought I’d live to hear it. “Those who have submitted their robots, please take your seats”.
That poked my curiosity big time. Sumilip ako sa activity center. Daming mga estudyante, karamihan high school. I read the sign. The 8th Philippine Robotics Olympiad. Saya! I quickly scanned the crowd to look for my schoolmates… ayun!
Napaka-high tech ng mga kabataang ito. Kanya-kanyang laptop bawat grupo. Naka-Mac pa ang iba. Samantalang ako noon, naka-Wordstar at naka-save ang data sa Floppy Disk. Hehe. F-something pa nga para mai-sentro ang isang line. Kakaaliw isipin.
Tapos sabi ng emcee na mukhang naiirita na, “Pleeeease, sit down. Don’t worry, your robots are safe”. Aliw talaga ako. I must have looked silly; couldn’t get my grin off my face. I felt… ancient. Naisip ko, grabe, pag ganito ang magiging homework ng mga anak ko, hindi ko sila matutulungan. Hanggang moral support na lang ako.
I finally found the computer shop I’d been looking for and finally got my printing job done. I retraced my steps back to the other building. Nakita ko ang LBC, pinadala ko ang aking package kay Mommy, tapos bumalik ako sa mall at naisip ko, kailangan nga pala ng bagong khaki shorts ng anak ko for school.
Napadaan ako sa mga medyas and got myself a pack of 3 cotton foot socks. Sana okay. I know, I know, I should have bought only one kasi di ko pa alam kung okay sa akin. Ewan ko ba kung bakit nagpadala ako dun sa saleslady. Sabi kasi n’ya makakatipid ako sa tatlo. Haller.
Laking tuwa ko nang makita ko na yung shorts ng anak ko na out of stock sa SM Makati ay available. Di lang yun, 50% off pa. As in! Kasi raw i-phase out na ang shorts sa brand nila at puro pants na lang ang gagawin. Sayang naman, sabi ko. Yung kanila ang pinakamatibay sa lahat ng nasubukan namin. Di agad nanu-nutnot ang tela. Anyway, maya-maya lang magpa-pants na rin ang panganay ko.
Tapos, nagpunta ako sa toy section. Alam mo, kaming mag-asawa nagkasundo kami na hindi namin sasanayin ang mga bata na nasusunod lahat ang gusto nila. Kaso, lately, di ko alam kung bakit maya’t maya ay nagpapabili sila sa amin ng iba’t ibang klaseng laruan. Yun pala, bukod sa nakikita sa mga commercials na isinisingit sa cartoons, nalaman ko sa yaya nila na halos linggo-linggo ay kanya-kanyang dala ng mga bagong laruan ang mga kaklase nila.
Nakaramdam ako ng awa. Although ayaw namin na lumaki silang materyoso, ayoko din naman na maramdaman nila na deprived sila, lalo na’t meron naman pambili kahit na papano. So dinampot ko ang isang 4-pack ng Play-Doh at isang set ng Pizza Maker na Play-Doh rin. Habang nakapila ako sa kahera, isip ko balato ko na ito sa kanila sa premyong napanalunan ko. Ang saya, excited akong umuwi. Tinext ko ang aming kasambahay para sabihin sa mga bata na ‘wag manood ng TV at meron akong surprise na pasalubong.
Pagkabayad, tinanong ko ang saleslady kung paano makarating sa MRT station. Kahit na naitanong ko na kanina, dahilo lumayo na ako e na-disorient akong muli. Itinuro naman sa akin. Naglakad ako papalabas sa Garden ng SM. Ganda. Maaraw pero mahangin. Nakaka-relax yung mga green na halaman at damuhan. Lalo na yung mga maliit-liit na pond na mababato. In fairness, maganda na ang SM, parang kagaya na ng mga Ayala Malls. Note to Self: sana makumbinse ko asawa ko na gumimik kami dito minsan, kahit na malayo. Para maiba naman.
Oops, asan na ba ang tawiran? Yes! Nakakita ulit ng guard. (Guard #12). Itinuro sa akin.
So, tumawid ako papunta Trinoma gamit ang bridge, baba ng hagdan, tawid, akyat papasok, tapos labas ulit papunta MRT station. Magtatanong pa sana ulit ako sa guard pero naisip kong tingnan na lang ang mga signs kasi maganda ang mga signs ng Ayala Malls. Baba ulit para makatawid sa kabilang side, tapos akyat. Hingal. Antay ng tren. Pilit kong isiniksik ang sarili ko kahit na muntikan nang abutan ng sumasarang mga pinto. Whew. Pag-upo ko sa loob, my aching feet sighed in relief. Pahinga. Maya-maya meron umakyat na matandang lola. Naisip ko, naku po, papaupuin ko ba si lola, siguradong hanggang dulo na ako hindi makakaupo pag ibinigay ko itong lugar ko. Bago pa ako makapag-desisyon, may isang babae na tumayo at nagbigay-daan sa matanda. Hay. God bless her soul. I really wanted to rest my tired legs.
Habang nakasakay sa MRT, bumuhos ang ulan. Nagdasal ako panandalian at sabi ko, sana hindi baha sa Malate pag-uwi ko. Pagkarating sa kabilang dulo ng linya ng MRT, siksikan kaming lumabas, kontra sa mga taong nagpupumilit nang pumasok kahit na papalabas pa lang kami. Tapos, siksikan din paakyat ng escalator. Normally, nag-aantay ako hangganag mag-subside ang crowd o kaya sa hagdan ako umaakyat para makaiwas sa siksikan. Pero pagod na ako at atat ng makauwi.
Sakay ng LRT. Maya-maya lang napansin ko na huminto na ang ulan. Ang bait talaga ni Lord. Pagbaba ko, ano ba… nagkamali ako ng tawid. Napalayo pa akong lalo sa amin. Disoriented. Bumalik ako at tumawid papunta sa kabilang direksiyon. Pasalamat talaga ako at mayroong LRT at MRT. Sana dumami pa sila.
Maya-maya lang, ayan na. Nilalaro na ng mga anak ko ang Play-Doh. Tuwang-tuwa sila. Ang panganay na lalaki, agad na binuo ang kanyang Solar System. Mahusay! Ang Mars, red talaga. Ang Jupiter, pinakamalaki talaga. At ang Earth, napakaganda. Pinaghalo n’ya ang blue at green. Nagpasalamat ako at naisip ko, kanino kaya nagmana ng pagka-artistic ang batang ito? Parang kailan lamang e sinabi sa akin ng doktor na autistic s’ya. Matapos ang halos 2 taon na kaka-therapy at check up, eto na s’ya. Napaka-daldal at matanong. Ikaw ang susuko.
Ang pangalawa kong babae, excited an excited na gumawa ng mga maliliit na pagkain at gumawa ng pizza n’ya. Pinaghalo-halo kaagad ang mga kulay. Pipigilin ko sana at sasabihan to keep the colors segregated. Buti na lang, I was able to stop my ok-ok self and just let go and let the kids be.
Ang bunso, napakatahimik. Walang-imik pero tuloy ang paggawa ng sarili n’yang mga pieces. Bunso s’ya pero kaya n’yang makipagsabayan sa mga kapatid n’ya. Tahimik lang pero halatang enjoy. Naupo ako sa dining. Itinaas ko ang aking paa at binasa ang mga letters mula sa eskwelahan. Bingo tickets. 400 pesos bawat bata. Hehe. Here we go again.
Nilabas ko ang aking Notebook PDA at muling tiningnan ang mga na-accomplish ko. I felt very good about myself. Sulit ang pawis at sakit ng binti. Natuwa din ako nung naisip ko, siguro pumayat ako sa maghapong kakalakad ko. Sabay kuha ng matamis na biscuit pang-meryenda.
Iniisip ko, ano ba ang kakaiba sa naging maghapon ko at parang ibang klaseng saya ang naidulot nito sa akin. Pinagmuni-munihan ko kanina at eto ang mga naisip ko:
Masaya kasi may na-accomplish akong mga bagay-bagay na bago kahapon ay parang ang hihirap gawin at di ko alam kung paano. Nagawa ko sa tulong ng mga taong handa naman palang tumulong basta magtatanong lang.
Tapos, each turn of event was unexpected… halos unplanned. Ang saya din palang maging spontaneous paminsan-minsan, kahit na sa maliliit na bagay.
I realized din na, contrary to my nature, I tried my best to get the most out of each situation. To think positive. To see the glass half-full. I tried my best, again, contrary to my nature, to keep from whining.
Isa pa, mas magaan pala ang buhay when we try to make light of the situation and look for things that amuse us or make us happy. Index cards. Robotics. Simple.
Lastly, nakakasaya din pala ang pagbalik-tanaw sa mga pangyayari sa nakaraan. Kahit na mayroon konting lungkot na kasama, maganda pa rin alalahanin. At the same time, i-embrace din ang mga bago sa ating buhay. At magpasalamat sa mga magagandang changes na nangyayari.
Ang saya. Salamat kay Lord.
Paano kaya pumunta ng BIR Manila? Makakailang guard na naman kayo ako? ;)
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Old Dog, New Tricks
I wanted to write about how tiring yet fulfilling today has been. A few interesting things have happened and I can’t wait to tell you about it. But now, I have this huge headache… so I’ll just proceed with jotting down the things I learned today…
Today, I learned…
1.… how to encash a check.
2.… how to deposit a check.
3.… how to commute to PDEA (LRT – MRT – tricycle)
4.… that one can walk from PDEA to East Avenue Medical Center to BIR (and still live to tell her story)
5.… that the building I sketched for an assigned art project 21 years ago from my high school dormitory window was, and still is, the BIR building
6.… that one needs to go to the BIR branch where the TIN was first registered in order to get the TIN card
7.… that the TIN card, previously unheard of, is now essential in many government transactions (sigh, as if things aren’t difficult enough)
8.… that carbon paper still exists (and is being sold in pack of 10’s at NBS)
9.… that it is okay to ask for directions. (Today alone, I have asked for directions from more than half a dozen security guards, a lola selling suha on a kariton, a parking attendant, and a few salesclerks).
10.… that people are almost always willing to help.
11.… that nothing boosts the kids’ creativity like 4 new jars of Play-Doh
12.… that Company B will stop selling khaki shorts soon (and so the rest of their stocks are now on a half-price sale…yey!)
Today, I learned…
1.… how to encash a check.
2.… how to deposit a check.
3.… how to commute to PDEA (LRT – MRT – tricycle)
4.… that one can walk from PDEA to East Avenue Medical Center to BIR (and still live to tell her story)
5.… that the building I sketched for an assigned art project 21 years ago from my high school dormitory window was, and still is, the BIR building
6.… that one needs to go to the BIR branch where the TIN was first registered in order to get the TIN card
7.… that the TIN card, previously unheard of, is now essential in many government transactions (sigh, as if things aren’t difficult enough)
8.… that carbon paper still exists (and is being sold in pack of 10’s at NBS)
9.… that it is okay to ask for directions. (Today alone, I have asked for directions from more than half a dozen security guards, a lola selling suha on a kariton, a parking attendant, and a few salesclerks).
10.… that people are almost always willing to help.
11.… that nothing boosts the kids’ creativity like 4 new jars of Play-Doh
12.… that Company B will stop selling khaki shorts soon (and so the rest of their stocks are now on a half-price sale…yey!)
Friday, September 11, 2009
Lessons from the Bamboo
Plans are made. Then reality sets in.
No matter how much planning or anticipation one puts in, things are bound to get bumped by unforeseen circumstances. Weather. Heavy rains and floods, to be exact. Health. Other people. Lack of resources.
A wise person plans ahead. And an even wiser person makes plans AND is able to improvise as the need arises.
I remember when I was in high school, one of our school projects as freshman was to write a “Book of Myself”. Though a few of my classmates sneered at the idea (“tsismosa lang ‘yang teacher natin”), I embraced it. I loved writing about my loved ones, about the place I grew up in, about the friends I’ve left behind in the province, and… ahem, about myself.
Anyway, when my project was checked, the allegedly tsismosa teacher (whom, by the way, I loved and admired) wrote a short note on the first page. She wrote something positive (I forgot what it was). But what struck me the most was this piece of advice: Bend a little so you won’t snap.
My young heart did not get it. I had to ask my mom what she thought the teacher was trying to say. Now, as I grew up and have had my share of disappointments and failures in life, I know what she truly meant.
The mango tree is probably one of the sturdiest trees and largest trees I have ever seen. I remember my mom refusing my request to plant one in our garden when we moved to our own home. She said its roots burrow too deep and far into the ground and that it is able to demolish other plants, even concrete fences! But no matter how strong the tree may seem, when typhoons come, it can topple over, succumbing to very strong winds. Uprooted, it falls to the ground.
Not the lowly bamboo. It is thin, its stalk not as hard as the mango or narra. But when winds blow, the bamboo learns how to sway with the wind. It willingly bends and humbles itself through the storm. After the clouds have cleared, the bamboo emerges alive and victorious. Its resilience and pliability are the reasons why the bamboo is tough.
Many times, my ok-ok (read: obsessive-compulsive) self needs to keep this lesson in mind.
No matter how much planning or anticipation one puts in, things are bound to get bumped by unforeseen circumstances. Weather. Heavy rains and floods, to be exact. Health. Other people. Lack of resources.
A wise person plans ahead. And an even wiser person makes plans AND is able to improvise as the need arises.
I remember when I was in high school, one of our school projects as freshman was to write a “Book of Myself”. Though a few of my classmates sneered at the idea (“tsismosa lang ‘yang teacher natin”), I embraced it. I loved writing about my loved ones, about the place I grew up in, about the friends I’ve left behind in the province, and… ahem, about myself.
Anyway, when my project was checked, the allegedly tsismosa teacher (whom, by the way, I loved and admired) wrote a short note on the first page. She wrote something positive (I forgot what it was). But what struck me the most was this piece of advice: Bend a little so you won’t snap.
My young heart did not get it. I had to ask my mom what she thought the teacher was trying to say. Now, as I grew up and have had my share of disappointments and failures in life, I know what she truly meant.
The mango tree is probably one of the sturdiest trees and largest trees I have ever seen. I remember my mom refusing my request to plant one in our garden when we moved to our own home. She said its roots burrow too deep and far into the ground and that it is able to demolish other plants, even concrete fences! But no matter how strong the tree may seem, when typhoons come, it can topple over, succumbing to very strong winds. Uprooted, it falls to the ground.
Not the lowly bamboo. It is thin, its stalk not as hard as the mango or narra. But when winds blow, the bamboo learns how to sway with the wind. It willingly bends and humbles itself through the storm. After the clouds have cleared, the bamboo emerges alive and victorious. Its resilience and pliability are the reasons why the bamboo is tough.
Many times, my ok-ok (read: obsessive-compulsive) self needs to keep this lesson in mind.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Oh, what great comfort!
10 September 2009
10:26 AM
Oh, what great comfort!
As usual, I find out that the things I’ve been fretting about were baseless and, therefore, useless.
The recent weeks were supposed to be the most relaxed and free weeks of my adult life. But instead of being happy and enjoying each moment, I felt pressured. I perceived my mother’s words of encouragement and gentle reminders as subtle ‘demands’ for me to start living up to my mission-slash-occupation. I felt that with each day that passed, I was slowly turning into a disappointment. Tamad. Tambay. Batugan.
I know, I know. Such harsh words. But you must understand… one of my biggest weaknesses is my tendency to condemn myself, and another equally-hard to beat trait is my penchant for being defensive. Plus, any indication that I might have displeased someone, anyone, more so a loved one, is enough to drag me down.
Earlier this morning, the short phone conversation my mother and I had was more than I needed to lift up my spirits. She alleviated my worries and fears. She reassured me that there was no need to stress and beat myself up for what actually is an imaginary, self-imposed deadline. She gave me a gentle reminder to tackle first things first and to prioritize. Any task accomplished was good. So long as I didn’t spend my days sitting on my butt.
That meant I can now afford to breathe, relax a bit, and focus on my upcoming research paper presentation and the equally important task of buying myself a decent outfit for my oath-taking. Good, good, good!
Hubby, on the other hand, has always been very supportive and, though I know he can use help, he never gave any indication that he wanted me to start working/earning ASAP. I am very blessed to have supportive and patient loved ones. I really am grateful. I need to make a mental note to myself to always strive to be the same to others.
10:26 AM
Oh, what great comfort!
As usual, I find out that the things I’ve been fretting about were baseless and, therefore, useless.
The recent weeks were supposed to be the most relaxed and free weeks of my adult life. But instead of being happy and enjoying each moment, I felt pressured. I perceived my mother’s words of encouragement and gentle reminders as subtle ‘demands’ for me to start living up to my mission-slash-occupation. I felt that with each day that passed, I was slowly turning into a disappointment. Tamad. Tambay. Batugan.
I know, I know. Such harsh words. But you must understand… one of my biggest weaknesses is my tendency to condemn myself, and another equally-hard to beat trait is my penchant for being defensive. Plus, any indication that I might have displeased someone, anyone, more so a loved one, is enough to drag me down.
Earlier this morning, the short phone conversation my mother and I had was more than I needed to lift up my spirits. She alleviated my worries and fears. She reassured me that there was no need to stress and beat myself up for what actually is an imaginary, self-imposed deadline. She gave me a gentle reminder to tackle first things first and to prioritize. Any task accomplished was good. So long as I didn’t spend my days sitting on my butt.
That meant I can now afford to breathe, relax a bit, and focus on my upcoming research paper presentation and the equally important task of buying myself a decent outfit for my oath-taking. Good, good, good!
Hubby, on the other hand, has always been very supportive and, though I know he can use help, he never gave any indication that he wanted me to start working/earning ASAP. I am very blessed to have supportive and patient loved ones. I really am grateful. I need to make a mental note to myself to always strive to be the same to others.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Where to? And how in the world do i get there from here?
Life has been great. After what seemed to be a slow creep, my career is about to be launched. I feel like a fledgling, perched on the nest’s edge, waiting for mother bird’s gentle nudge. I know my wings are ready. So many years have been spent strengthening them for the long flight. But now, as I get ready to take off, I tremble and feel a pang of fear.
Can I do it? Do I truly know which way to go? And when I finally am able to settle which direction to pursue… is it really what I want?
These are things I dare not share with others for fear of being ridiculed or accused of being a sloth. I dare not because I am not so sure if the ridicule and accusations really are untrue.
I feel this strong urge to do something on my own. I long to break free of structure, of the chains that bind me to my career. I envy people who are able to work from home and manage themselves. I long to be creative. To write as I want. To read as I want. To play music. To be read. And to be heard.
I feel envious of Leo Babauta (of Zen Habits and Write to Done) who is able to support his family because of the blogs he writes. He stays home most of the time and seems to be in utter control of his schedule. He runs. He lives the minimalist, uncluttered life. And best of all, he appears to be very happy with the life he has chosen to live.
I give myself time. I may be feeling this way only because starting out is never easy. And the easiest thing to do when one faces a brick wall of resistance is to turn back or change one’s directions. I ask the Lord for strength to climb past the big wall so that I can enjoy the green fields that lie beyond. And, if I am not meant to climb such, I ask for the grace to discern the direction I should take.
Countless articles have given this single important advice: to know which path to take, one has to know his best strengths. His talents and gifts. And so I pause, I ask myself, and once again, I am completely dumbfounded.
I do love to read but I cannot think of a way to earn from this love. I write but my capacity is far from being extraordinary; surely one cannot earn a living from writing such as this. I play the guitar and can shoot pictures, but my skills are not far better than the next Juan or Juana. What to do, what to do?
And then I think of all the years of preparation that brought me to where I am. Years of training, countless hours of hospital duty and out-patient clinics, research papers, presentations and lectures, and examinations. All amounting to significant time away from my loved ones. Time away from hobbies and personal pursuits. I guess I know now what I have been called to be and to do. I am called to become a doctor, an _____ist, a ______logist. To make sense of all the blood, sweat, prayers and countless buckets of tears that helped me through all of the difficulties, I have to be one. A good one.
What to do with this restlessness and feeling of lack of direction?
I pray to God. As I type this, I beg Him to take hold of my hand, let me not stumble, and show me the way.
Can I do it? Do I truly know which way to go? And when I finally am able to settle which direction to pursue… is it really what I want?
These are things I dare not share with others for fear of being ridiculed or accused of being a sloth. I dare not because I am not so sure if the ridicule and accusations really are untrue.
I feel this strong urge to do something on my own. I long to break free of structure, of the chains that bind me to my career. I envy people who are able to work from home and manage themselves. I long to be creative. To write as I want. To read as I want. To play music. To be read. And to be heard.
I feel envious of Leo Babauta (of Zen Habits and Write to Done) who is able to support his family because of the blogs he writes. He stays home most of the time and seems to be in utter control of his schedule. He runs. He lives the minimalist, uncluttered life. And best of all, he appears to be very happy with the life he has chosen to live.
I give myself time. I may be feeling this way only because starting out is never easy. And the easiest thing to do when one faces a brick wall of resistance is to turn back or change one’s directions. I ask the Lord for strength to climb past the big wall so that I can enjoy the green fields that lie beyond. And, if I am not meant to climb such, I ask for the grace to discern the direction I should take.
Countless articles have given this single important advice: to know which path to take, one has to know his best strengths. His talents and gifts. And so I pause, I ask myself, and once again, I am completely dumbfounded.
I do love to read but I cannot think of a way to earn from this love. I write but my capacity is far from being extraordinary; surely one cannot earn a living from writing such as this. I play the guitar and can shoot pictures, but my skills are not far better than the next Juan or Juana. What to do, what to do?
And then I think of all the years of preparation that brought me to where I am. Years of training, countless hours of hospital duty and out-patient clinics, research papers, presentations and lectures, and examinations. All amounting to significant time away from my loved ones. Time away from hobbies and personal pursuits. I guess I know now what I have been called to be and to do. I am called to become a doctor, an _____ist, a ______logist. To make sense of all the blood, sweat, prayers and countless buckets of tears that helped me through all of the difficulties, I have to be one. A good one.
What to do with this restlessness and feeling of lack of direction?
I pray to God. As I type this, I beg Him to take hold of my hand, let me not stumble, and show me the way.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Guilt and Pleasure
There are certain things about myself that I am neither proud of nor happy about.
For instance, I do not like how I get swayed so easily.
Yesterday, despite all the errands (groceries, things that I needed to buy for the kids, birthday present for hubby, etc), I was bent on going to St. Jude afterwards for our Thursday novena. I find myself at a fork in the road and am badly in need of guidance and help. Before I knew it, hubby and I found ourselves in the midst of a shopping frenzy. It was the start of a huge, 3-day, mall-wide sale and we were pleased to find a leather belt and a nice polo for him at great discounts. Initially, we decided to go to mass at a nearby chapel instead; later on, we thought maybe we’d just drop by and pay our Lord a visit. We ended up doing no one of these. Lesson: I should really do the more important things before anything else. As productivity gurus would say – move the big rocks first.
I also feel a twinge of guilt because I am loving my state of ‘jobless-ness”. I like being home. I like welcoming the kids when they come home from school. I love the way a whole day stretches on before me with no need for an itinerary. I am thrilled at the prospect of being able to pick up one of my books, whichever my heart desired. I feel guilty because I am enjoying this. Too much.
Hubby has been very supportive and tells me to take all the time I need to prepare for my practice. Mom, on the other hand… her anxiety is almost palpable whenever we talk over the phone about my plans (or lack of it). It’s as if she is too scared that I might be taking too much of my precious time, dilly-dallying instead of starting what I have been preparing myself for for years and years. Who can blame her?
I’d like to think that I know myself better. I force my mind to go back to the time when I was pregnant with our youngest and needed to go on bed rest for weeks. It was terrible. I never enjoyed it and I was more than eager to get off my butt and start doing meaningful, useful things with my time. But then again, everybody else wanted me to stay in bed. Though I always get myself in trouble because I try too hard to please everyone, there is also this rebellious streak that takes pleasure in doing the exact opposite of others expect me to.
I take one day at a time and try to refuse to worry. I have written down all the tiny, not necessarily easy, steps that need to get done before I can start my work. I wish I could just go straight to working right away without going through all the paper work and boring tasks that I very much despise. But of course, this is not the case. As a certain wise person said anonymously – All things are difficult before they are easy.
God sent me a gentle reminder today. Saint Paul says,
He did not say we are to use them if it isn’t too difficult or tiring or boring. We are to use them. Period.
For instance, I do not like how I get swayed so easily.
Yesterday, despite all the errands (groceries, things that I needed to buy for the kids, birthday present for hubby, etc), I was bent on going to St. Jude afterwards for our Thursday novena. I find myself at a fork in the road and am badly in need of guidance and help. Before I knew it, hubby and I found ourselves in the midst of a shopping frenzy. It was the start of a huge, 3-day, mall-wide sale and we were pleased to find a leather belt and a nice polo for him at great discounts. Initially, we decided to go to mass at a nearby chapel instead; later on, we thought maybe we’d just drop by and pay our Lord a visit. We ended up doing no one of these. Lesson: I should really do the more important things before anything else. As productivity gurus would say – move the big rocks first.
I also feel a twinge of guilt because I am loving my state of ‘jobless-ness”. I like being home. I like welcoming the kids when they come home from school. I love the way a whole day stretches on before me with no need for an itinerary. I am thrilled at the prospect of being able to pick up one of my books, whichever my heart desired. I feel guilty because I am enjoying this. Too much.
Hubby has been very supportive and tells me to take all the time I need to prepare for my practice. Mom, on the other hand… her anxiety is almost palpable whenever we talk over the phone about my plans (or lack of it). It’s as if she is too scared that I might be taking too much of my precious time, dilly-dallying instead of starting what I have been preparing myself for for years and years. Who can blame her?
I’d like to think that I know myself better. I force my mind to go back to the time when I was pregnant with our youngest and needed to go on bed rest for weeks. It was terrible. I never enjoyed it and I was more than eager to get off my butt and start doing meaningful, useful things with my time. But then again, everybody else wanted me to stay in bed. Though I always get myself in trouble because I try too hard to please everyone, there is also this rebellious streak that takes pleasure in doing the exact opposite of others expect me to.
I take one day at a time and try to refuse to worry. I have written down all the tiny, not necessarily easy, steps that need to get done before I can start my work. I wish I could just go straight to working right away without going through all the paper work and boring tasks that I very much despise. But of course, this is not the case. As a certain wise person said anonymously – All things are difficult before they are easy.
God sent me a gentle reminder today. Saint Paul says,
We all have different gifts that God has given to us by His loving-favor. We are to use them. – Romans 12;6
He did not say we are to use them if it isn’t too difficult or tiring or boring. We are to use them. Period.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
More on Decluttering
More on decluttering
It is not helpful at all times.
My last post brought back memories of my life in med school. Whenever I needed to study for a tough exam (that is practically, every single day), I find myself fixing things in my tiny space in the dorm room (I shared the room with three other people). I fix my bed. I wash my undies. I fix my closet. Finally, I stack my huge textbooks repeatedly and organize my notes, sorting them according to subject and/or priority, and I check my supplies of pens and highlighters. I then take a shower and fall fast asleep.
It is not helpful at all times.
My last post brought back memories of my life in med school. Whenever I needed to study for a tough exam (that is practically, every single day), I find myself fixing things in my tiny space in the dorm room (I shared the room with three other people). I fix my bed. I wash my undies. I fix my closet. Finally, I stack my huge textbooks repeatedly and organize my notes, sorting them according to subject and/or priority, and I check my supplies of pens and highlighters. I then take a shower and fall fast asleep.
Indecision and Decluttering
When I stand on the edge of a very important decision or a really difficult task, I find myself puttering about. I grab hold of my to-do list and set out to do the most mundane tasks. Simply put, the no-brainer to-dos get first pick. Next to praying and writing, this is the best way I know how to handle the stresses of my adult life.
One should never underestimate the peace brought forth by the act of decluttering. For the past week my mind has been a mish-mash of plans, options, endless possibilities. I do not know which way to go. I ask my loved ones. Though they mean well and wish the best for me always, their numerous suggestions sometimes leave me more confused than ever.
As I go through my piles of clutter (mostly paper), I weed out the irrelevant, the old, and the ones that can be easily retrieved should the need arise. Throwing things out turns into an act of purging. As I get rid of the trash that occupies much of valuable space in the room/house, I also begin to free myself of useless anxieties. Dusting off surfaces that have long been neglected, I clear out the negative thoughts and feelings that lurk in the deepest crevices of my mind.
Grinning to myself as I look on to my decluttered room and desk, I realize that I know now what to do.
One should never underestimate the peace brought forth by the act of decluttering. For the past week my mind has been a mish-mash of plans, options, endless possibilities. I do not know which way to go. I ask my loved ones. Though they mean well and wish the best for me always, their numerous suggestions sometimes leave me more confused than ever.
As I go through my piles of clutter (mostly paper), I weed out the irrelevant, the old, and the ones that can be easily retrieved should the need arise. Throwing things out turns into an act of purging. As I get rid of the trash that occupies much of valuable space in the room/house, I also begin to free myself of useless anxieties. Dusting off surfaces that have long been neglected, I clear out the negative thoughts and feelings that lurk in the deepest crevices of my mind.
Grinning to myself as I look on to my decluttered room and desk, I realize that I know now what to do.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Yin and Yang
I feel so stupid. How could I have let a really important deadline pass me by?
I am so ashamed of myself.
Now… deep breath. Forgive myself. Forget the past. Time to move on.
And before I forget… what a wonderful (long) weekend we had! Nothing beats time with the whole family (whole meaning mine, my sister’s, plus Mommy). Sharing yummy food. Watching the kids having fun - in the pool, chasing a tiny blue butterfly, or simply enjoying the moment. Happy, happy, happy!
I am so ashamed of myself.
Now… deep breath. Forgive myself. Forget the past. Time to move on.
And before I forget… what a wonderful (long) weekend we had! Nothing beats time with the whole family (whole meaning mine, my sister’s, plus Mommy). Sharing yummy food. Watching the kids having fun - in the pool, chasing a tiny blue butterfly, or simply enjoying the moment. Happy, happy, happy!
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