First Day Of The Rest Of My Life

Tomorrow marks the first day of the rest of my life.

I am scared. I worry that I would not be able to recall the things I’ve been reading and reviewing since the beginning of the year. I am scared of not making it. When fear takes its hold on me, I call on the Lord, and Mama Mary, and St. Paul and St. Jude. I think of all my friends and loved ones who promise to include me in my prayers.

Everything in the past seems to lead up to the big day. Everything that I have worked hard for, dreamed of, and hoped for.

And then I think of what to do after the exam, regardless of whether I make it or not. The possibilities are endless. I feel the excitement. I sense this freedom to do what I want and what I need. Just think… God empowers me so I can choose what to do next.

I can start setting up my practice, finally. I can start reading books - those that lay untouched on my shelves because reading them were not a priority. I can go to Power Books and browse freely… I can buy and read whatever interests me, with no pressure, no deadline, no exam to follow after. It’s so liberating!

I can spend more time with the kids, go out on more dates with hubby and with my sister. I can start picking up a new hobby as Mommy and I have planned (crocheting or knitting). I can write and blog to my heart’s content. I can start learning to cook some more. Sure, there are a few more conventions (and probably a paper presentation, if we get lucky) that wait to be attended… but I no longer worry about going on duty or living up to other people’s expectations and demands.

I cannot hide this silly smile on my face.

But first, back to my books for some last-minute cramming. ☺