As I ponder on the events of the past couple of days, I feel that God has been very active (as usual). He has begun to strip me of my little and big concerns, gently pushing me outside of my comfort zone, while teaching me a few important lessons:
· I have been concerned these past weeks about my weight gain, especially since I noted I was beginning to have “double-chin” on my pictures. The appearance of what appeared to be tell-tale signs of crow’s feet really concerned me, too. I started to apply nightly eye cream to my daily regimen, in addition to the moisturizer and the sunscreen plus the cucumber spa salt…Vanity, vanity. Now because of a minor, albeit disconcerting, medical concern, I need to take steroids, so increased appetite, weight gain, and water retention are inevitable effects that I just have to accept.
· Coffee has been a very important part of my daily routine and I have been taking as much as 3 tall mugs a day. Never mind if I tried my best to opt for decaffeinated 2 out of 3 mugs. It was a staple I was beginning to find hard to live without, and for now I have to let this go (per doctors’ advise).
· When I stayed in the library for 8 hours last Tuesday (with only a 30-minute break in between, really) I was very happy and frankly, a bit proud of my efforts. I wrote down on my index cards the rest of my battle plan, that is, the rest of my time table, and scheduled readings in detail. Now, I surrender to God and accept my circumstances.
· My laptop hinges finally gave up yesterday. Thankfully, the computer itself remains functional. But I do need to prop up the screen against books or pillows because the hinges do not hold up anymore. For months I have been “hinting” to God that I really needed a new laptop but somehow, I can sense that He is asking me to be patient, to wait some more. Now I refuse to worry . I just thank God for every day that the laptop is able to run and do the things I need it to do.
· I have been so looking forward to spending the weekend with my family in the province, especially since this would be my one-month-old nephew's official homecoming. I was so heart-broken when I realized yesterday that we’re better off home because almost everyone in the family has been feeling ill. Frustrated, I began to look for ways and reasons to blame hubby; it made mo so unhappy and so angry just thinking about it. I knew in my heart that this is nobody’s fault. So I am taught, again, to let go of my anger and frustration.
· Despite stress and pressure and health concerns, I find myself devoting less time for prayer and being less faithful to my Daily Scriptures. I have been running on my own power, like pushing a car while the key remained in my pocket. No wonder I get so tired.
With the exam being only 16 days away, God’s message to me seems to be very clear. He is teaching me to let go and just let Him do His work, His plan, His job. He is pointing out my stubbornness and demanding that I lift my burdens off my shoulder and just lay them on His feet. It reminds me of this passage from Jeremiah 29:11-12: ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for well-being and not for trouble, to give you a future and a hope. Then You will come upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.
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