My Daily Commute

My work entails traveling from the city where I live to the far end of another adjacent city. This is about an hour’s worth of commute (on a typical rush hour). On those few lucky days when hubby’s schedule is not so tight, he drives me to work (and then he braves himself against a tougher jam for about an hour and a half more).

On most days though, I have to use public transport. I take the FX (sort of like an airconditioned jeepney but much more cramped, in my opinion) because taxi cabs are just too costly (except when it’s really late or when I’m really late).

The funny thing is, though I whine about hubby not being able to drive me to work as often as I’d want to, my daily commute has become a time of solace. It gives me time to pray, to say hi to my mom or sister (via SMS), to ponder over my future and the future of my kids and to plan the rest of my day (say, what to order for lunch).

Strangely, it is also the time when I feel very much one with everyone else. I, together with other average human beings on this side of the metropolis, become one people, waking up and bringing ourselves to wherever it is that we need to be…school or work or market. It offers some consolation that I am not alone; we are all in the same boat.

On a different note, my daily commute is usually the time when I feel more fortunate than most people. I see the FX driver, doing his best to dodge those equally reckless buses and jeepney drivers, just to meet his boundary and place food on the table. I see the woman selling vegetables on the sidewalk, eating puto for breakfast. I see the MMDA standing in the middle of the street, sweating it out, breathing in all this pollution. Last but not the least, I see these countless beings, sitting by their shanties, breastfeeding their babies, talking with one another simply because they have no job and therefore, nowhere to go. True, there are times when I wished I had an MP3 player so I can escape from that awful music blaring from the radio or from those dreadful conversations one can’t help but overhear. Most of the time though, I feel blessed.

I find it strange that I only “see” these things when I take public transport. As if sitting in my hubby’s car gives me some sort of shield from the ugly but real facts of daily life.

My list of life goals include owning and driving my own car. Apart from worries about parking space, my mind says life would be easier when I stop taking public transport. Will this make me feel detached from my fellow commuters and turn me into a less grateful person? I hope to find the answer to this… soon :)

Work and Life

I am in the final stretch of what seems to me like a lifetime of study and training. Twelve-hour workdays, 6 to 7 days a week - this is not supposed to be normal and it is driving me nuts! The guilt of not being able to spend enough time with my family, the frustration of not being capable of giving my best 100% of the time (at home and on the job), the lack of time to read, and study, and further my training... I'm like a half-baked cake that is about to be served and scrutinized.

Add to this a boss who is so used to filling his schedule to the brim, with no time to have a decent lunch. He works like his body and mind have been designed to not need any break.

To say that I feel sad because of my seemingly helpless situation is truly an understatement. Thank God heard my prayers of frustration (as always) and made me stumble into this article on how to find that elusive balance between work and life. It made me reflect on how, aside from finding time for myself, I need to KNOW what it is that makes me happy. The write-up urged me to spend some time thinking about the question - what do you love? Turns out that the 'what' is a far tougher question than the 'who'.

So I ventured into coming up with my short list of things that I love:
1. being with my family
2. good music
3. good reading material
4. idyllic views of nature (greens and blooms, in particular)
5. cross-stitching

To my horror, I realized that this past week I spent this amount of time doing the things that I love: less than 10 hours! Ay, caramba!... I really have to find that balance before it's too late.

Mommy, Your Table Is Messy

We have this old, huge desk in our bedroom. It has served us well for the past years but I have been meaning to have it replaced by a smaller, space-saving, equally efficient cheap desk from the mall. We never got around to doing it.

I never realized that paper can accumulate so quickly! For the past 3 months, I have attended two conventions, gained a few more must-read books, brought 2 or 3 magazines and have been too lazy to sort the pile. Before I knew it, I did not have enough space to put my book on, much less my laptop. "So, that's why I never got to study", I reasoned out in my head. I simply had no space!

After much dillying and dallying, I finally got hubby to buy me one of those long plastic storage boxes that are meant to be stored under the bed. When Kuya asked me what it was for, I told him that I was planning to clean up my desk and store some of my books in the box. Being very makulit and bossy sometimes, my son took it upon himself to remind me everyday that I had to fix the books because "Mommy, your table is messy". On Saturday, I promised.

The following Saturday, I had to go to the hospital to make rounds until past lunchtime. Having gotten home after a loooong week at work, I thought I deserved to rest and waste some precious time watching TV. Kuya came along and reminded me that it was Saturday and I had to fix my mess.

I realized that if I didn't get up and carry out my resolution as promised, it may ruin my son for the rest of his life. So, I dragged myself out of bed, stared at my mess, stared at my bookshelves, and tried to figure out... what in the world have I gotten myself into? This took quite a while. The moment I started it though, my momentum became full force and I couldn't stop lifting, moving, dusting, filing, sorting, throwing away things. I found old bills, old receipts, old grocery lists, partially-read mags... I had to resist sitting down and reading them again.

When I finished after almost three hours, I realized that I didn't really need to have the new storage box because I had enough space on my desk and shelf. It just needed a lot of organizing. So there I sat, grinning at my newly fixed desk. It's amazing how great it felt having finally dealt with several months' worth of clutter. Now, I have space where I can place my bookstand, laptop, snacks. It felt great! No more excuses not to study. I firmly resolve to make important decisions as soon as I get my hands on things... should I file this, should I throw it, do I really need to keep it?

So, now I really, really need to start getting down to reading and studying. So, what am I doing here blogging?

A work in progress, indeed

Today has been a good one. Finally, we were able to take the time to buy the kids new school bags. Kuya's (elder brother's) bag has become too small and is breaking apart. Ate's (elder sister) is also old and scratched and cannot manage to fit the toys she manages to sneak out of the house and into the schoolroom.

We spent the early afternoon taking a nap while Kuya & Ate watched Dora. Bunso (our youngest daughter) fell asleep on my legs. We then had some snacks - chips, cornicks, candied tamarind (very healthy, I might add) before we got dressed, heard Sunday mass, then rushed to the mall.

Bought the bags, rubber shoes for the Bunso, casual flats for Ate, some new school socks, and shirts for an upcoming family reunion where we all had to wear "christmas green" (don't ask why).

We then had spaghetti, pizza, & chicken. It was fun and for the first time, I realized, that the kids have begun to interact with each other. I mean really interact. They tease & bug each other, call each other names, hug, push, hit... they're growing up really fast. Indeed, the days are long but the years are short. (http://www.happiness-project.com/). But that's an entirely different blog.

The kids then had so much fun riding this teeny weeny carousel (while the nannies & I tried not to throw up our dinner). Hubby then bought me this plastic box (the long one that is meant to be kept under your bed) that I plan to use for storage of some of my notes/books so I can free up some of the clutter on my desk. The kids then had fun playing with balloons (freebies from a shoestore) and shrieking and running around the mall. Finally, we stopped for some donuts and headed for home.

When we got home, I was feeling pretty good about myself and what we've accomplished as I moved their school stuff from the old bags to the new ones when I realized that, to my horror, they have not finished their homework. So there we were... Hubby sitting at the dinner table with Kuya & Ate, cramming homework the night before the first day of school after a week-long semestral break. The kids got to sleep at 10:30. So much for being good parents.

Which made me realize that I should get myself to start this blog. I really am a work in progress.