As the deer

Once again I struggle with sadness, emptiness and frustration at things that I cannot control nor escape. My temper and sanity tip precariously on an invisible line, thin as a thread. The slightest nudge brings me to tears.

At a loss for words, I run to the Bible for comfort:

Prayer To Be Home Safe Again

As the deer desires rivers of water, so my soul desires You, O God. My soul is thirsty for God, for the living God. When will I come and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” These things I remember; and I pour out my soul within me. For I used to go with many people and lead them to the house of God, with the voice of thankful joy, among the many happy people.

Why are you sad, O my soul? Why have you become troubled within me? Hope in God, for I will praise Him again for His help of being near me. O my God, my soul is troubled within me. So I remember You from the land of the Jordan and the tops of Hermon, from Mount Mizar. Sea calls to sea at the sound of Your waterfalls. All Your waves have rolled over me. The Lord will send His loving-kindness in the day. And His song will be with me in the night, a prayer to the God of my life.

I will say to God my Rock, “Why have You forgotten me? Why do I have sorrow because those who hate me come against me with power?” As a breaking of my bones, those who hate me speak sharp words to me. All day long they say to me, “Where is your God?” Why are you sad, O my soul? Why have you become troubled within me? Hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my help and my God.
- Psalm 42:1-11