I cannot believe almost three weeks have passed since I last “wrote”. Kaya naman pala I get this feeling of restlessness again. My writing, I mean, my outpouring of thoughts and feelings on paper/keyboard, helps keep me sane. (It makes me a bit uncomfortable saying “my writing” because I do not consider myself a writer). It keeps me anchored and gives me a fresh break from my usual super-nega perspective.
My practice has been slow but swell. I thank God that for the past 2 weeks, I got to earn a bit instead of the usual na “negative pa sa pamasahe”. Teeny-weenie bit talaga. I am practically still living off of the allowance that hubby gives me monthly. Things have been slow that I have not gathered enough guts to go out and buy myself a decent-looking bag. I have been longing for a black, everyday shoulder bag for work. I have seen quite a few but not THE bag. They’re either not pretty enough, not big enough, or more importantly, not affordable enough.
Despite my meager earnings and the long, arduous bus ride from the province back to Manila, there are a few moments that make my decision to practice in my hometown worth it. Still at the top of my list was getting the chance to see my preschool music teacher as patient. She’s 78 but the way she thanked me so profusely, especially after I’ve introduced myself as one of her former students, is enough to fill my heart with so much joy! Even something as simple as a patient’s relative telling me on the phone “umayos po ang pakiramdam ni Nanay, malakas na kumain”. She still does have leukemia. But knowing she feels a bit better makes everything worthwhile. - "To cure sometimes, to relieve often, to comfort always”.
There’s also this one patient who was referred to me because of a non-life-threatening, really minor problem. But she came back to the clinic sooner than scheduled because she needed to talk to someone. She seemed very hopeless and weepy and distraught. I sensed that she was depressed… possibly postpartum. I couldn’t do more for her blood problem (she was already taking her medications) but I think I did more for her by listening to her, acknowledging her fears and feelings. In the end, I urged her and her husband to seek the help of a psychiatrist. I wouldn’t be surprised to see her come back next week.
Covering for my former mentor has been keeping me busy since yesterday. Medyo madami patients na naka-admit. I am grateful that she has kept her out-patient schedule to a minimum. Madaming araw na wala clinic. Like today. I was able to go home early and take a much-needed afternoon nap. I have been having flu-like symptoms since yesterday and had to really drag myself to work this morning. Three Bioflu’s later and I am feeling much better. Plus, tonight, hubby is coming back from Jakarta and that alone is enough to actually make me feel better. I think I can never get used to him being so far away from home, kahit pa short periods lang.
Yesterday was a milestone for me as it was the first time ever that I drove myself to work in Manila. Mare, mahirap ha! It’s not even half as fun as I thought it would be. The long stretch of Quezon Avenue almost drove me crazy with the unpredictable U-turns (I wonder if the U turns are actually better than having stoplights at every corner). Kaloka. Pati mga jeep at bus na nagigitgitan. I, being my usual, ok-ok self, wanted to stick to my lane (middle lane, non-committal, haha). But golly, it seemed that those lines/lanes painted on the roads were useless. Find your own place lang talaga. As one resident told me, “suggestions lang yun, mam”. This morning I was so tempted to take a cab to make my life less stressful. But I saw the gray clouds and looked back to the time when I stood endlessly waiting for a cab so… hay sige. Go na! After a few close encounters, I survived. Praise God.
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