Oh, what great comfort!

10 September 2009
10:26 AM

Oh, what great comfort!

As usual, I find out that the things I’ve been fretting about were baseless and, therefore, useless.

The recent weeks were supposed to be the most relaxed and free weeks of my adult life. But instead of being happy and enjoying each moment, I felt pressured. I perceived my mother’s words of encouragement and gentle reminders as subtle ‘demands’ for me to start living up to my mission-slash-occupation. I felt that with each day that passed, I was slowly turning into a disappointment. Tamad. Tambay. Batugan.

I know, I know. Such harsh words. But you must understand… one of my biggest weaknesses is my tendency to condemn myself, and another equally-hard to beat trait is my penchant for being defensive. Plus, any indication that I might have displeased someone, anyone, more so a loved one, is enough to drag me down.

Earlier this morning, the short phone conversation my mother and I had was more than I needed to lift up my spirits. She alleviated my worries and fears. She reassured me that there was no need to stress and beat myself up for what actually is an imaginary, self-imposed deadline. She gave me a gentle reminder to tackle first things first and to prioritize. Any task accomplished was good. So long as I didn’t spend my days sitting on my butt.

That meant I can now afford to breathe, relax a bit, and focus on my upcoming research paper presentation and the equally important task of buying myself a decent outfit for my oath-taking. Good, good, good!

Hubby, on the other hand, has always been very supportive and, though I know he can use help, he never gave any indication that he wanted me to start working/earning ASAP. I am very blessed to have supportive and patient loved ones. I really am grateful. I need to make a mental note to myself to always strive to be the same to others.