Using One's Gifts

We are His work. He has made us to belong to Christ Jesus so we can work for Him. He planned that we should do this- Ephesians 2:10 (NLB)

In Romans 12, Paul explains that as followers of Christ we are given unique abilities or, as he calls them, spiritual gifts.Don’t sit around waiting to discover your gift. Get busy!

You will know you are using your gifts –

- when you feel joy in your service,
- when others affirm your work,
- when your efforts bear fruit, and
- when you have the energy for the task.

Source: Our Daily Journal, Vol. 15. Reflection by Joe Stowell

Missing Two Front Teeth

Today I realized that there really is no use worrying. None at all!

The girl was scheduled for her first dental extraction.

The dentist had to pull out her two front teeth. I was worried sick that she might cry or feel awful about having lost her teeth. I prepared her for the inevitable, “The dentist needs to take out the big germ and the sick tooth”.

When we got home and she woke up from her sleep, the Little One and I waited anxiously as the girl took the mirror from my hand and saw herself for the first time. I braced myself as she looked… and then she laughed out loud, saying “Look, I have no teeth!” Her little sister and I laughed out loud, too, as I sighed this big sigh of relief.

Later during the day, when her Dad asked how she was feeling, she gave him this big grin and said, “I look like a lola!”. Wish I could be as big a sport as she has been today.

Kids. Sometimes they do a better job of teaching us grown-ups than vice versa.

Loving in spite of

Today is a sad disappointment and a day of rejoicing.

Let me begin with the reason for rejoicing. Hubby got the position and job he wanted. His new boss seemed kind and easy to work with. Our prayers have been answered. It always feels good to get what you want.

This morning, the kids and I woke up early for their assessment and subsequent enrolment in their swimming lessons. At least that was what I was hoping for. I feel that I had prepared them enough, having explained things to them since two days ago. I tried my best to explain things the best and simplest way I can and reassured the boy (because he was more reluctant and the girl was very eager) that if he felt that he didn’t want the lessons yet it was going to be okay.

When we entered the hotel lobby, I had very high hopes as both seemed very impressed and the boy said, “Cool!” They were equally impressed with the pool. But they didn’t want to join in the group. They refused to talk to the teachers and even ran away from them every time they tried. They insisted on wanting to go to the lap pool (which was strictly off limits and very deep) and to the other areas of the pool which were beyond limits. I gave them an hour to feel their way in and adjust themselves to the situation. I figured maybe it was because the other kids were already in the middle of their sessions. So I waited until the earlier kids have left and the two were alone with the teachers. Still they refused to talk. Later on, three smaller kids who were part of the next class came in. My kids watched as the teachers introduced themselves to the new kids and vice versa. The kids who had just arrived sat down as instructed and before I knew it, they were putting their faces into the water, blowing bubbles and practicing breathing techniques. Effortless. In the meantime, I just let the two sit on the edge to let their feet get wet and to watch how cooperative the other kids were.

Later on, the nanny overheard the head teacher saying that the secretary should tell me that the kids are not ready and “sinasayang lang ang oras namin”(they are just wasting our time). It was good that the nanny told about it when we had already gotten home. It was painful to hear.

I felt disappointed that the kids are missing this chance to learn how to swim. I felt even sadder that my kids did not know how to make themselves fit in. I knew it was wrong to feel this way because it is never right to try to make a person fit into somebody else’s box. I love them dearly and love them unconditionally. If they’re not ready, there’s always next summer. But why… why do I feel terribly sad?

When we went home to my Mom’s for a few days of vacation, she said that our kids were brats who insisted on having their way. (She said it more nicely, though). It was a wake-up call and I knew I had to do something about it. That was two weeks ago. I brushed up on my reading… I have numerous books on child-raising, discipline, etc. I prayed hard to God and called on Mama Mary for help. But the more I try to discipline them, the more difficult they become and the harder I fail. These past two weeks I found myself yelling at them on a daily basis.

I guess no amount of book-reading can teach me how to become a mother. I just have to BE one. Every single day. And it’s not easy because I’m not so good at it!

Lord, teach me how to love, love, LOVE my kids. Grant me the patience that I need so badly. Teach me how to teach them. Teach me to appreciate each one of them and cherish the gifts that they have been given. Help me to accept their limitations and to go on loving them in spite of. And this last request is equally important: please teach me, Lord, to accept myself and love myself as well. In Jesus’ name, with the intercession of Mama Mary, I pray. Amen.

Rebuke

A man of understanding learns more from being told the right thing to do than a fool learns from being beaten a hundred times - Proverbs 17:10

This proverb strikes a chord. Two, actually.

First, it reminds me to deal with my weakness as a parent. I really do feel like a failure as a parent sometimes. Today and yesterday were two of those days. It seems I spend most of my waking hours studying and yelling, reprimanding, even spanking the kids.

It can get really frustrating. Especially when I try a number of times to speak softly, to be patient, and to gently talk them into doing the right thing (or to apologize to their sibling as the case may be). Before I know it, I lose my temper and I yell and then I spank. This cycle repeats itself countless times the whole day. It wears me out. And I fear that when the kids grow up, they would not remember the lessons. All they would remember about me are images of Mommy yelling and looking so mad.

I want so much and pray our kids would grow up to be responsible, balanced, happy people. If I could raise them the way our parents did I would be very grateful. But it seems we are not doing well. When hubby comes, I see him yelling at them, too. I get mad at the kids and at hubby for yelling. Then I get mad at myself for I know I’ve been doing the same the whole day. And the kids are mad ‘cause they don’t get what they want and they’re being yelled at. Which makes us one household of mad people. I need to be taught how to teach my children. Lord, please come into our rescue!

Second chord. I need a rebuke myself as I am impatient, irritable, tactless, and I waste a lot of time.

The following are 5 statements to learn if one is teachable:
(SOURCE: Our Daily Journal, Vol. 15, January 16 daily reflection by James MacDonald)

1. People give me input.
2. I see measurable growth and character development.
3. I don’t have to answer a critic with a defense.
4. I don’t have to criticize back.
5. I’m learning new ways to grow.

I gotta say, I have a lot of work to do. God has a lot of work to do.

TY, Lord

Lord, I thank You for always hearing my prayers, for always listening to our pleas.

I was worried about the ongoing reorganization in hubby’s company. He has always been very driven, goal-oriented, and ambitious. These are very good qualities that allow him to work well and give our family this comfortable life that we so enjoy. But I was afraid of a possible setback that might discourage him. His former boss was unhappy with his new assignment; it was sort of a ‘demotion’. I was fearful of what would happen if the same thing happens to him. Especially when he told me a few weeks ago that if he is put back in sales he will go back to law school and leave the company for good (after he’s done).

Yesterday, after his ‘interview’, he was hopeful that he might be given that regional marketing position that he’s been aiming for.

Today, he called me and said that one of the bosses has been sending ‘feelers’ through some other person about whether hubby would be interested in going back to sales. The market is huge and they need a guy who can deliver. I know hubby can do it. He’s good at what he does. It may be a kind-of demotion considering he’s been handling Southeast Asia BUT it’s a great opportunity for him to show them again what he’s got. Sabi nga nung former boss n’ya, “You can’t complain if they take away your white horse and give you a donkey. You just have to continue the journey and hope that they will give you back the horse later on.” Or something like that.

Thank You, Lord for touching hubby’s heart. I know it can only come from You through the Holy Spirit. I was very happy to hear him say that a sales position isn’t so bad as it would allow him to spend less time in the office and come home earlier. It would not require frequent traveling thus less time away from home. He said he can concentrate on building our home and eventually, enjoy it.

Thank You, Lord. Everything talaga has a reason and a purpose. Salamat po. I continue to pray for him as nothing has been confirmed yet. Ganun din po para sa aking career. It is not easy being at a crossroads but this is definitely much better than being at a dead-end.

I sit here on my study table with my MP3 player on, trying to shut out the sounds of Barney and of the kids. They want to be in the same room with me when I am home. I try my very best to concentrate but I am fraught with worry. My heart is filled with concerns. Lord, talo talaga ako pag namomroblema na ako masyado. Please help me learn to handle my anxiety, to deal with the realities of life well. I offer you this list of concerns that bug me and I humbly lay them down on Your feet:

I woke up, Lord, and saw my countdown before the exam. 80 days! I am currently reading my manual, and jump from the text to the manual and back, and my heart is filled with fear as sometimes, when I go back to things that I’m supposed to have read, it feels like I am seeing them for the first time. It feels like I do not remember a thing! And this fear and anxiety hide in the background of everything that I do. I try to focus on other things when I have to; I pretend not to see it but it is always there.

I worry about my unfinished research papers. It gives me this sick feeling in my stomach when I think of my unfinished work and each deadline that has gone past. Now, I really need to finish it by the first week of May. The pressure is coming on.

I worry about hubby’s work. This reorganization in their company makes things less settled than before, less unsure. I do not worry about Your provision, Lord, for You have always, always taken good care of us. I do worry about his career path. He is very much concerned about the direction his career path is heading to. Please lead him, Lord, to where You want Him to be.

I worry about Ate and her dental abscess.

I worry about the kids, in general. They’re watching too much TV, mainly because I let them. It gives me the chance to read in peace (with my earplugs on, of course, to block out all the bickering, fighting, and never-ending questions). It is so unhealthy. And I am always on edge, my patience runs thin because of all these useless worries and anxiety.

I worry about our household help. One is due to leave by the end of the month, and the other two have expressed their desire of leaving soon after.

I worry about sister’s pregnancy and her upcoming delivery. I come across all these medical problems in pregnancy during my review and I am gripped with fear.

I worry about starting my practice – the where, the when, and the how. I look around at colleagues and am happy for where they are now. Why do I have these feelings of inadequacy, like I feel that I cannot do what they do?

I worry about my nanny’s health, our messy home, the kids’ disheveled closets that need sorting. Worry, worry, worry. It’s beginning to wear me out, Lord.

Please accept these, Lord. I do not know what to do with them. Take charge of my life. Please pray for me, Mama Mary. Lord, thank You.

For when I am worried or upset

Be full of joy always because you belong to the Lord. Again I say, be full of joy!
Let all people see how gentle you are. The Lord is coming again soon.
Do not worry. Learn to pray about everything. Give thanks to God as you ask Him for what you need.
The peace of God is much greater than the human mind can understand. This peace will keep your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ.
- Philippians 4:4-7

Dental Woes

We brought Ate to a pediatric dentist today. Last night, her nanny showed us this huge, pink, moveable mass on the gum near her upper front tooth. I was alarmed because it looked like there’s a collection of pus underneath but I was puzzled because ate says there was no pain when I tried to touch it. She had no fever and ate a lot, too.

I was even more alarmed when the nanny, who just came back from a week-long vacation, told me she had noticed that before she left, only now it has grown bigger. I couldn’t bring myself to reprimand her for not telling us sooner. In my mind I tried to recall how many times I have brushed her teeth in the nanny’s absence and I knew the answer: zero. The other nannies did it. Sure, I cleaned her ears 3 to 4 times a week, and I prided myself in having bathed her about 3x while her nanny was away. But I never looked in her mouth. And she never complained. Sigh.

Turns out it was an abscess, indeed. And the front tooth below it was also moveable, thus the need for an extraction. My first thought was… oh no, Ate is so conscious about her appearance, I don’t want this to ruin her self-confidence. Dentist says it may take 3 to 4 more years before the permanent tooth comes out to take its place. Then, the dentist, probably seeing this look of concern on my face, started talking about the danger of spread of infection – meningitis, rheumatic heart disease – and inside, I slapped myself on the forehead and shouted, “Of course!”

Then the dentist started talking about this thing called “baby dentures” and she showed me pictures of her work. I must say I was impressed. She also said that it would cost about 6 thou (for the one, single tooth). My, my… hubby can take care of this. Silently, I thanked God for hubby’s job that allows us to make quick decisions about things like these that must be attended to ASAP.

All these happened after hubby had sat in the dental chair for his root canal. He needs to have it done on three nerves at 3,500 a pop. Whoa. Big bucks. Tonight, before I came upstairs to study I made sure I brushed and flossed my teeth well.

Ate was very brave about the whole thing. After a few seconds of hesitation, she eagerly sat on the dental chair and showed off her “circle” (that’s what she calls the round thing hanging out from her gum). Later on, I asked the dentist whether she thinks we needed to prepare Ate for the upcoming extraction. She said there was nothing to worry about as she was going to be sedated and was sure to remember nothing after the procedure. What I meant was whether she needed to know that the tooth is to come out, lest she throws a big tantrum once she discovers her missing tooth. That’s when the dentist told Ate about this need to remove the tooth and the worm on her tooth so that there won’t be anymore worms. And she bit it. That simple.

Tonight, when hubby came home from work, he said the dentist scheduled the extraction a week from now. And I thought they said it was urgent. I am a bit worried but I’m trusting they know they know what’s best.

This afternoon, the kids’ noise, demands, questions, and endless jumping on the bed wore me out. I decided to take a nap as they ate their early dinner ‘cause I wanted to eat with hubby and take some time to rest my eyes and my head.
As I lay down in bed, I kept tossing and turning because of Ate’s tooth. Worrying about it wore me out even more (naturally!). I know it’s time to tell Jesus to take over and take care of all my worries and concerns.