Of hopes and expectations

Living up to other people’s expectations can be pretty tiring. Especially, if one has been doing it for quite some time. I think of Prince Charles, and Britney Spears, and Angelina Jolie and think to myself… living their lives may not be that fun after all.

I am no royalty or pop star, nor am I a Hollywood goddess. But sometimes I feel this pressure on my shoulders to live up to a set standard and to do what they expect me to do. Worse, I feel that people expect me to reach that certain standard in some pre-conceived fashion. It’s like they not only know the ‘where’ of where I should be going, they also know the ‘how’. The expectation feels like a destination; there’s no doubt I want to end up in the same place someday but it feels like people want me to take a certain road to get there. Sadly, I am more inclined to choose a different path – one that is undoubtedly less popular, and much less impressive.

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been told that because I have been given this much, much is expected of me. I cannot tell you how many times it’s been said – you’re a valedictorian, you come from Pisay, matalino ka… we know you always go for the best and do not settle for less. Other well-meaning relatives say that I should be going abroad for training as if the option of staying here in our country is reserved for the average and the ‘latak’. There is no doubt in my mind that the loved ones who bombard me with these have nothing but the best intentions. They believe in me and, inevitably, have high hopes and dreams for me.

Sadly, I do not share all their ideas. Of course, I want only the best for my family, for my children. But I have other goals and ideas in mind. This doesn’t mean that I would settle for a mediocre practice and live a lazy life. Far from it! I guess my dreams simply sound less appealing and less grand.

Lord, please help me. Show me the way. Help me to be the best I can be while remaining true to myself. I can only live my life once. Only YOU know what is truly best for me and my family. Amen.