More on Decluttering

More on decluttering

It is not helpful at all times.

My last post brought back memories of my life in med school. Whenever I needed to study for a tough exam (that is practically, every single day), I find myself fixing things in my tiny space in the dorm room (I shared the room with three other people). I fix my bed. I wash my undies. I fix my closet. Finally, I stack my huge textbooks repeatedly and organize my notes, sorting them according to subject and/or priority, and I check my supplies of pens and highlighters. I then take a shower and fall fast asleep.

Indecision and Decluttering

When I stand on the edge of a very important decision or a really difficult task, I find myself puttering about. I grab hold of my to-do list and set out to do the most mundane tasks. Simply put, the no-brainer to-dos get first pick. Next to praying and writing, this is the best way I know how to handle the stresses of my adult life.

One should never underestimate the peace brought forth by the act of decluttering. For the past week my mind has been a mish-mash of plans, options, endless possibilities. I do not know which way to go. I ask my loved ones. Though they mean well and wish the best for me always, their numerous suggestions sometimes leave me more confused than ever.

As I go through my piles of clutter (mostly paper), I weed out the irrelevant, the old, and the ones that can be easily retrieved should the need arise. Throwing things out turns into an act of purging. As I get rid of the trash that occupies much of valuable space in the room/house, I also begin to free myself of useless anxieties. Dusting off surfaces that have long been neglected, I clear out the negative thoughts and feelings that lurk in the deepest crevices of my mind.

Grinning to myself as I look on to my decluttered room and desk, I realize that I know now what to do.

Back from the hospital...

The yayas have vacuumed our bedroom, wiped weeks-old dust off of several surfaces, and changed the sheets. I made myself a mug of decaf and slowly made my way upstairs. And then, as if a switch has been turned… off I went. In a mad dash, as if overcome by a spirit, I scrambled about - unpacked the suitcase from the hospital, fixed my toiletries, stacked my books.

I did these despite the terrible feeling of wooziness and the ringing in my ears. I rushed about, at times almost tumbling down because of this annoying sense of imbalance and instability. I did not care. Somehow, this business of putting things back where they belong was therapeutic. It was symbolic of the way I hope things are now back to their usual, predictable, boring place. After the seemingly unending, two-week ordeal, I realized - I like boring. I like ordinary. I love peace.

The kids, who excitedly welcomed me with their hugs and kisses, lay quietly in the other room; tucked in for their afternoon nap. One of the yayas is with them, as she should be. The other yaya is downstairs, fixing odds and ends. My Tita is also downstairs, reassuring me, urging me to take my much-needed rest and to just holler in case I needed anything. Mommy is back home in the province. Hubby is in the office, just in time for his meetings.

And I sit here on my favorite spot. My old but ever-reliable desk. With a mug of coffee and my books and study materials beside me. My ears ring, I feel dizzy, yet I find myself looking up to heaven and quietly thanking God for bringing me here.

It feels great to have some semblance of normalcy.
It feels good to be home.

Dying to one's self

Being a mother and a wife is not that easy. It entails dying to one’s self. It means letting go of some of one’s habits and quirks, the ones that you’ve embraced while growing up (old).

I am a bit obsessive-compulsive about my things. I am not exactly a neat freak like Martha Stewart but I know where my things are. And I know when someone took it and failed to put it back where it belongs. My husband knows this and I realize now what a pain in the neck I can be sometimes when I bug him endlessly about having to put the nailclipper in the third drawer on the left side of our dresser. Not on top of the dresser. Not in the second drawer. It should remain exactly where it is supposed to be. I like knowing where my things are and I know it drives him crazy sometimes. He is the type who, having come home from work, just throws all his keys, wallet, eyeglasses, cellphone at the first most convenient spot then runs around in the morning trying to figure out where his stuff are. I bought him a tiny basket where he can dump in all his things so he knows exactly where to find them. To no avail. (Now that basket holds our numerous chargers – laptop, PDA, phones, etc.)

I have a pencil case that holds my highlighter, a pencil, a very trusty sharpener, and my favorite eraser, among other things. (Mind you, it is hard to find a trusty sharpener). Anyway, I use these daily because I am in the process of reviewing for an upcoming certifying/board exam. My kids - a toddler and two preschoolers - are fascinated by my things. They have dozens of pencils and a few sharpeners and erasers strewn all over the house. But my 4-year-old daughter just loves my plain, blue, old eraser. I tried giving her a bright red pencil with eraser… didn’t want it. I offered her a mickey mouse pencil. She didn’t want it. Finally, I went to the bookstore and bought each of my kids a nice eraser… one that’s extra nice for my four-year-old… it’s glittery and shaped like a pretty butterfly. That didn’t work either.

She just kept on ransacking my pencil case and it drove me crazy every single day.

I have now come to terms with it and said to myself that it’s time to choose my battles and that I am one crazy woman for going nuts over one silly eraser. Now I let her take it whenever she pleases so long as she puts it back where it belongs.

Now, where the heck is my yellow highlighter?

Mommy, Your Table Is Messy

We have this old, huge desk in our bedroom. It has served us well for the past years but I have been meaning to have it replaced by a smaller, space-saving, equally efficient cheap desk from the mall. We never got around to doing it.

I never realized that paper can accumulate so quickly! For the past 3 months, I have attended two conventions, gained a few more must-read books, brought 2 or 3 magazines and have been too lazy to sort the pile. Before I knew it, I did not have enough space to put my book on, much less my laptop. "So, that's why I never got to study", I reasoned out in my head. I simply had no space!

After much dillying and dallying, I finally got hubby to buy me one of those long plastic storage boxes that are meant to be stored under the bed. When Kuya asked me what it was for, I told him that I was planning to clean up my desk and store some of my books in the box. Being very makulit and bossy sometimes, my son took it upon himself to remind me everyday that I had to fix the books because "Mommy, your table is messy". On Saturday, I promised.

The following Saturday, I had to go to the hospital to make rounds until past lunchtime. Having gotten home after a loooong week at work, I thought I deserved to rest and waste some precious time watching TV. Kuya came along and reminded me that it was Saturday and I had to fix my mess.

I realized that if I didn't get up and carry out my resolution as promised, it may ruin my son for the rest of his life. So, I dragged myself out of bed, stared at my mess, stared at my bookshelves, and tried to figure out... what in the world have I gotten myself into? This took quite a while. The moment I started it though, my momentum became full force and I couldn't stop lifting, moving, dusting, filing, sorting, throwing away things. I found old bills, old receipts, old grocery lists, partially-read mags... I had to resist sitting down and reading them again.

When I finished after almost three hours, I realized that I didn't really need to have the new storage box because I had enough space on my desk and shelf. It just needed a lot of organizing. So there I sat, grinning at my newly fixed desk. It's amazing how great it felt having finally dealt with several months' worth of clutter. Now, I have space where I can place my bookstand, laptop, snacks. It felt great! No more excuses not to study. I firmly resolve to make important decisions as soon as I get my hands on things... should I file this, should I throw it, do I really need to keep it?

So, now I really, really need to start getting down to reading and studying. So, what am I doing here blogging?